CHAPTER 2: WIVES – PART 4
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would bid farewell to his wives if they visited him:
Safiyyah bint Huyay narrated: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, was performing I’tikaaf (residing in the mosque in seclusion for the purpose of worship) and I went to visit him during the night. I talked to him and then I got up to go. He, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, got up with me and accompanied me to my house. Two men of the Ansaar passed by them and when they saw the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, they quickened their pace. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘Hold on, she is Safiyyah bint Huyay (my wife).’ They said: ‘Glory be to Allah, O Messenger of Allah [we did not have any doubt about you]!’ Thereupon, the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Satan flows in the person like
blood. I feared that he might have whispered some [ill thoughts] into your heart.”” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (2038) and Muslim (2175).)
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, interrupted his worship (I’tikaaf) so that he would walk her back to her house and to protect her on her way back. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did so despite the fact that one should not leave the mosque once he enters it with the intention of Itikaf unless it is a necessity, or else his worship is interrupted.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, lived a harmonious life with his wives:
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, practically applied the saying of Allah (which means): «And live with them in kindness.» [Quran: 4:19]. It is not surprising after this to see that when the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, spoke about his wives he would say: “The most perfect in faith amongst the believers are those who are the best in manners, and the best amongst you are those who are the best in treating their wives.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi (1082) on the authority of Abu Hurayrah.)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, never lay a hand on any of his wives or criticized her:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, never hit anyone neither a servant nor a woman except when he was fighting in the Cause of Allah.” (Reported by Muslim (2328).)
Some men in our time beat their wife, hitting her on the face and head, using a stick, shoes and other things for the most ridiculous reasons.
Iyaas ibn `Abdullaah narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Do not hit women.” When `Umar came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and complained saying, ‘The women have become very daring towards their husbands,’ He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave permission to beat them lightly. Then many women went to the wives of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, complaining of their husbands (beating them), and he (Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Many women have gone round
Muhammad’s wives complaining of their husbands. Those who do so [that is, those who take to beating their wives] are not the best among you.” (Reported by Abu Dawood (2146) and Ibn Maajah (1985).)
Al-’Atheem Abaadi (a scholar) said: “The term, “Those who take to beating their wives, are not the best among you” means, men who beat their wives are not the best, but rather those who persevere and tolerate whatever bad manners or wrong behaviour their wives have and refrain from beating them are indeed the best amongst you.”(‘Awn Al-Ma’bood (130/6).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, instructed men to be kind to women:
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Adhere to my instructions with regard to women: Act kindly towards women.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (3331) and Muslim (1468) on the authority of Abu Hurayrah.)
An-Nawawi said: “The narration encourages kindness to women and enduring wrong behavior when it happens and tolerate it and act softly in return.”(The explanation of An-Nawawi on the book of Muslim (57/10).)
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also said: “Women were created from a crooked rib. If you attempt to straighten it; you will break it. So tolerate her behaviour and you will live with her happily.” (Reported by Ahmad (19589) on the authority of Samurah ibn Jundub.)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, repeatedly instructed men to treat women kindly on every occasion. In his sermon during the Farewell Pilgrimage, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, singled out a section of his speech for this purpose saying: “Treat women kindly, for they are like captives in your hands.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi (1083) and Ibn Maajah (1851) on the authority of ‘Amr ibn Al-Ahwas.)
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, repeated these instructions with regard to women, because he knew that they have the tendency of repeating the behaviour that would upset their husbands and that few men would be able to endure patiently and that most men would be enraged by their conduct. This would consequently lead to divorce and division of the family.
Knowing this, the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, instructed husbands to the method which would help maintain the unity of the family and harmony in marital life. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “A believer must not hate a believing woman [his wife]; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another.”(Reported by Muslim (2672) on the authority of Abu Hurayrah.)
An-Nawawi said: “Meaning, he should not hate her because even if she has a dispraised quality, he will see in her qualities that are pleasing to him. For example, a woman may be aggressive but very religious, she may speak to him rudely, but she is chaste, and so on.” (The explanation of An-Nawawi on the book of Muslim (58/10).)
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, always treated his wives with gentleness and was always cheerful. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was keen on making them happy, sitting with them, joking with them, consulting them, listening to them, condoling them, checking on them and would overlook their mistakes and shortcomings.
In fact, he used to instruct people to treat his wives’ people kindly. Abu Tharr (a Companion) narrated: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “You would soon conquer Egypt and that is a land which is known [as the land of Al-Qiraat] (A type of currency used there.). So when you conquer it, treat its inhabitants well for there lies upon you the responsibility due to blood relationship and responsibility due to the relationship of marriage.”” (Reported by Muslim (2543).)
An-Nawawi said: “The term, “the responsibility due to blood relationship” means, they have a due right to them because Hagar the mother of Prophet Ishmael was from them. The term, “responsibility due to relationship of marriage” because the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married a woman from them (Maariyah the mother of his son Ibraaheem).” (The explanation of An-Nawawi on the book of Muslim (97/16).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was considerate of his wives’ feelings:
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would notice when one of his wives was happy with him or upset. For example, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to ‘A’ishah: “ I can well discern when you are pleased with me and when you are annoyed with me.” She asked, “How do you discern it?” Thereupon he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied: “When you are happy with me you take an oath saying, ‘I swear by the Lord of Muhammad. However, when you are upset you would say, ‘I swear by the Lord of Abraham.” ‘Aa’ishah said: “Yes (you are right) O Messenger of Allah, but by Allah, I leave nothing but your name.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (5228) and Muslim (2439).)
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was not the type who never cared whether his wife was happy or upset. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, had to take care of the responsibility of the state, battles, preparing armies, propagating his message to the universe, sending messengers to heads of state and following up on all other related affairs. Despite the heavy load he had to shoulder, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not allow these responsibilities to prevent him from
following up with his wives and being considerate towards their feelings.
Compare this to husbands who couldn’t care less if their wives are upset or not, are negligent regarding their affairs, show no consideration for their feelings and are indifferent if their wives are not happy. Indeed, there is a massive difference between them and the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who was a leading example to humanity in all aspects.
One example exemplifying his care and consideration for his wives’ feelings is in the story of the dispute between two of his wives. Hafsah said something that hurt the feelings of Safiyyah and saddened her by calling her the daughter of a Jew (which she was). Safiyyah cried and complained to the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, defended her and comforted her heart with words that calmed her down and made her happy.
Another example that embodied the great consideration the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, had towards his wives is the story of the Safiyyah’s camel.
Safiyyah narrates: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, took his wives along on a journey to perform Hajj (pilgrimage). After travelling for some time, a man took hold of the camel and started spurring them to go fast. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to him, “Be careful with the fragile vessels [women]!” While we were travelling, my camel knelt down (due to illness) and it was the best of all camels to ride. I started to cry and the news reached the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who came to me and started wiping my tears with his hands.” (Reported by Ahmad (26325).)
Wiping the wife’s tears with one’s hands is a great way of comforting her and expressing one’s emotions and feelings towards her. Though the reason of her crying was not something major (the kneeling of her sick camel), yet the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not undermine this and comforted her and showed her love and concern.
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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