CHAPTER 2: WIVES – COMFORTING
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would comfort his wives when they felt unwell:
During the Farewell Hajj (pilgrimage) ‘Aa’ishah got her menses and started to cry. The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, entered upon her and saw her crying and asked: “Why are you crying? Did you get your menses?”
‘A’ishah said: “Yes.”
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied: “This is something which Allah has decreed upon women. Do what a pilgrim does except for Tawaf [circumambulating the Ka’bah].”
After she finished her menses and completed Hajj, she wanted to make up for the ‘Umrah (minor pilgrimage) that was interrupted by her menses, so he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, commanded (her brother) ‘Abdur-Rahmaan to take her to the area of Tan’im to assume Ihram and then take her to perform the make-up ‘Umrah.(Reported by Al-Bukhari (316) and Muslim 1211).)
Men should be mindful of the state of the woman and the changes that happen to her due to menses and postpartum bleeding. Women usually become extra tired and they undergo various aches and pains and mood swings. When the husband shows consideration during these times in particular, the wife would consider it as a favour from him upon her, and would appreciate it.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, performed Ruqyah on them when they became ill:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to visit his wives when they fell sick and place his right hand and perform Ruqyah for them (i.e. recite certain supplications and verses of the Quran as treatment). He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would say: ‘Allahumma Rabban-naasi, ath-hibil-ba’sa, washfi, Antash-Shaafi, la shifa illa shifa a’uka, shifaa’an la yughaadiru saqama [O Allah! the Lord of mankind! Remove this disease and cure (her)! You are the Great Curer. There is no cure but through You, which leaves behind no disease].’”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (5743) and Muslim (2191).)
The fact that the husband asks about the source of pain, places his hand mercifully on it and performs Ruqyah, has a great impact of the wife even if the pain remains, because she would feel that her husband cares for her, is considerate, feels her pain and empathises with her suffering.
In the long narration of Umm Zar’ on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah in which eleven women gathered to reveal all their marital secrets to each other, one of them complained about her husband saying, “He never extended a hand to feel my pain.”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (5189) and Muslim (2448).)
Ibn Hajar said: “She meant to complain about him being inconsiderate and wanted to describe him to be uncompassionate.”(Fat-h Al-Baari (263/9).)
There are husbands who truly have no consideration and want to see his wife up and about all the time, and he would not tolerate being around her if she becomes unwell.
The wife may go through hard times, problems and difficulties and needs someone to comfort her and bring a smile to her lips by dealing with her in a cheerful manner and speaking to her in a loving tone. She needs someone to take some of the burdens off her shoulders and relieve some of the distress she suffers from in order to make her feel that she is not facing this tough life with its hardship all alone.
The woman may lose a close relative (a father, mother or brother) and needs someone to help her endure this calamity patiently, remind her with the virtue of perseverance and console her. However, some people lack this quality and you find many a man indifferent towards what his wife is suffering from and the hardships she faces, the afflictions that befall her and the problems she goes through.
Some may even go to the extent of belittling her grief and sorrow, mocking her and making fun of what she is suffering from.
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “O Allah, I make you witness that I conveyed the rights [and rulings pertaining to them] of two types of people, orphans and women.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah (3678).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, even tolerated improper behaviour towards him by his wife:
An-Nu’man ibn Al-Basheer (a Companion) narrated: “Abu Bakr came and sought permission to enter upon the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and overheard (his daughter) ‘Aa’ishah raising her voice over his voice. He was granted permission to enter.
He said to her while pulling her (aggressively), ‘How dare you raise your voice over the voice of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam?’
So the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stood between them (to protect her).
After Abu Bakr left, the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to her (to comfort her and make her happy after what her father did): “Did you not see how I protected you and stood between you and him?”
Later Abu Bakr came back and found him laughing with her. Abu Bakr was granted permission to enter, and addressed the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, saying, ‘O Messenger of Allah, include me in your peace as I was part of your war.’” (Reported by Ahmad (17927).) Meaning, let me be part of your joyful times, as I was part of the time you had a problem.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would tolerate it if his wife separated herself from him all day:
‘Umar said: “We the people of Quraysh used to dominate over our wives but when we came to Madinah we found that the Ansaar (residence of Madinah) had their wives dominating them. So our wives began to learn from their wives. One day I became angry with my wife and she began to answer me back (argue back and refuse to take my instructions without argument). I became angry with her and did not approve that she should answer me back.
She said: ‘You do not like that I should retort upon you, but, by Allah, the wives of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, retort upon him and any one of them separates herself from him for a day until night.
‘Umar continued, “I rushed and entered upon Hafsah (his daughter) and said: ‘Does one of you retort upon the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam?’ She said: ‘Yes’. Then I said: ‘Do you separate yourself from him for a day until night?’ She said: ‘Yes’”. (Reported by Al-Bukhari (89) and Muslim (1479) on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas.)
Ibn Hajar said: “This narration proves that being tough with women is a dispraised characteristic, because the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, adopted the style of the Ansaar in dealing with women and gave up the way his own people (Quraysh) dealt with them. It also proves that one should be patient with his wife and overlook her mistakes and forgive their minor mistakes, unless it is a right for Allah.” (Fat-h Al-Baari (291/9).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to help his wives in their housework:
Al-Aswad ibn Yazeed narrated that ‘A’ishah was asked, “What did the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, do inside his house?” She answered, “He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, kept himself busy helping his wife (in her housework), and when it was the time for the prayer, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would get up for prayer.” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (676).)
Another narration reads, “He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was but a human being, he would mend his garment, milk the sheep and serve himself.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (541) in his book Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and At-Tirmidhi (113) in his book Ash-Shama’il.)
One more narration reads, “He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would clean his clothes and repair his shoes and do what men regularly do at home.”(Reported by Ahmad (24382).)
In our times, some men overburden their wives with housework she cannot bear. He would see that she is exhausted or sick and would react indifferently towards her and would not extend a helping hand to her. Indeed, this is not the kind treatment with which Allah commanded us to deal with our wives, nor is it following in the footsteps of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, helped his wives mount the riding animal:
Anas narrated: “When Safiyyah was trying to mount the camel, I saw the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, placing his cloak around her (so that she would not be exposed while mounting the animal), and then he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would kneel next to the camel and she would place her foot on his knee and mount the animal.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (2893) and Muslim (1365).)
This reflects his ultimate humbleness towards his wives and the kind treatment they received from him, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would pay attention to his personal hygiene and smell:
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would use the tooth stick (Siwaak) to clean his teeth as soon as he entered his house so that his wife would not smell a bad odour from his mouth.
Shurayh ibn Haan’i (a Follower belonging to the generation succeeding
the Companions) narrated that he asked ‘Aa’ishah, “What was the first
thing the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would do when he entered
the house?” She said: “Clean his teeth with a Siwaak.” (Reported by Muslim (253).)
As-Suyooti (a scholar) said: “The wisdom behind this is that his mouth smell might have changed after talking to people all day, and thus he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was keen on removing any odour as a way of being extra nice and kind in his treatment to his wives.” (Haashiyat As-Suyooti (10/1).)
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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