HOW TO DEAL WITH BITTER CRITICISM
Those who are ignorant have uttered curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of ill that exists, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people. You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticized.
And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog.
Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. in their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for W unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.
So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have an influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead, forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.
Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.
(Say: ‘Perish in your rage’.) (Quran 3: 119)
In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.
lf you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable.
DO NOT EXPECT GRATITUDE FROM ANYONE
Allah, the Almighty, created His slaves so that they may worship and remember Him, and He provided sustenance for them so that they may be grateful to Him. Nevertheless, many have worshipped other than Him and the masses are thankful not to Him, but to others, because the characteristic of ingratitude is widespread among human beings. So do not be dismayed when you find that others forget your favors or disregard your kind acts. Some people might even despise you and make you an enemy for no other reason than that you have shown them kindness.
(And they could not find any cause to bear a grudge, except that Allah and His Messenger had enriched them of His Bounty.)
(Quran 9: 74)
From among the ever-repeating pages of history is a story of a father and his son: the former raised him, fed him, clothed him and taught him; he would stay up nights so that his son could sleep, stay hungry so that his son could eat, and he would toil so that his son could feel comfort. And when the son became older and stronger, he rewarded his father with disobedience, disrespect, and contempt.
So be at peace if you are requited with ungratefulness for the good you have done. Rejoice in your knowledge that you will be rewarded from the One Who has unlimited treasures at His disposal.
This is not to say that you should refrain from performing acts of kindness towards others: the point is that you should be mentally prepared for ingratitude.
Perform acts of charity seeking Allah’s pleasure, because with this attitude you will assuredly be successful. The ungrateful person cannot really harm you: praise Allah that that person is the transgressor and that you are the obedient servant. Also, remember that the hand that gives is better than the hand that receives.
(We feed you seeking Allah’s Countenance only. We wish for no reward, nor thanks from you.) (Quran 76: 9)
Many people are shocked at the nature of ingratitude in others, as though they had never come across this verse and others like it:
(And when harm touches man, he invokes us, lying down on his side, or sitting or standing. But when we have removed his harm from him, he passes on his way as K he had never invoked Us for a harm that touched him) (Quran 10: 12)
Hence do not be in a state of agitation if you give someone a pen as a gift and he uses it to satirize you, or if you give someone a walking stick to lean upon and he strikes you with it. As I pointed out earlier, most human beings are ungrateful to their Lord, so what treatment should you and I expect?
DOING GOOD TO OTHERS GIVES COMFORT TO THE HEART
The first person who benefits from an act of charity is the benefactor himself, by seeing changes in himself and in his manners, by finding peace, by watching a smile form on the lips of another person.
If you find yourself to be in difficulty or distress, show kindness to others, and you will be the first to find solace and comfort. Give to the needy, defend the oppressed, help those in distress, and visit the sick: you will find that happiness surrounds you from all directions.
An act of charity is like perfume – it benefits the user, the seller, and the buyer. Furthermore, the psychological benefits that one receives from helping others are indeed great. If you suffer from depression, an act of charity will have a more potent effect on your sickness than will the best available medicine.
Even when you smile upon meeting others, you are giving charity. The Prophet (Blessings and Peace be upon him) said:
“Do not dismiss certain acts of kindness by deeming them to be insignificant, even if (such an act) is to meet your brother with a smiling face (for that is a deed which might weigh heavily in your scale of deeds).”
On the other hand, when you frown upon meeting others, you are displaying a sign of enmity, an act that is so detrimental to brotherhood that only Allah knows the full extent of its evil effects.
The Prophet (bpuh) informed us that the prostitute who once gave a handful of water to a dog was rewarded for that deed with Paradise, which is as wide as the heavens and the earth. This is because the Giver of rewards is Forgiving, Rich, and Worthy of Praise.
O’ you, who are threatened by misery, fear and grief, occupy yourself in the betterment of others. Help others in different ways – through charity, hospitality, sympathy, and support. And in doing so, you will find all of the happiness that you desire.
(He who spends his wealth for increase in self-purification, and has in his mind no favor from anyone for which a reward is expected in return; except only the desire to seek the Countenance of his Lord, . the Most High. He surely will be pleased [when he enters Paradise] .)
(Qur’an 92: 18-2)
REPEL BOREDOM WITH WORK
Those who have nothing to do with their lives are the same people who spend most of their time spreading rumors and falsehood, mainly because their minds are devoid of beneficial thoughts:
(They are content to be with those [the women] who sit behind [at home]. Their hearts are sealed up Mom right guidance] so they understand not} (Qur’an 9: 87)
When you find yourself to be idle, prepare for depression and despair, because idleness allows your mind to wander in the past, the present, and the future, with all of their difficulties. Therefore, my sincere advice to you is to perform fruitful acts instead of being idle, for idleness is a slow and veiled form of suicide.
Idleness is like the slow torture that is inflicted upon prisoners in China: they are placed under a tap, from which a drop of water falls only after every hour. During the period of waiting between drops, many of them lose their minds and are driven to insanity.
Being inactive means being negligent of one’s duties. Idleness is an expert thief and your mind is its victim.
Therefore get up now and say a prayer or read a book; praise your Lord, study, write, organize your library, fix something in your house, or benefit others so that you can put an end to your inactivity. I say this only because l sincerely wish for your betterment.
Destroy boredom by working. When you apply this simple precept alone, you will have traveled at least fifty percent of the way towards happiness. Look at farmers, carpenters, and the bread-maker, and observe how, when they are working, they recite words as melodious as the singing of birds, because they are content.
Afterwards observe yourself and how you toss and turn on your bed while wiping away your tears, always miserable, always torturing yourself
DO NOT BE A MIMICKER
Do not transform yourself into someone who you are not: do not mimic others. Many are those that feign to forget their own voices, movements, idiosyncrasies, and habits, in order to imitate others in their ways. Among the consequences of such behavior are artificiality, unhappiness, and a destruction of one’s own entity.
From Adam to the last born baby, no two people are exactly the same in appearance. Why then should they be the same in mannerisms and tastes?
You are unique – none had been like you in the past and none shall be like you in the future. You are totally different from X or Y, so do not force upon yourself the blind following and imitation of others.
Go forth according to your own nature and disposition.
(Each [group of] people knew its own place for water) (Quran 2: 60)
(For every nation there is a direction to which they face, so hasten towards all that is good)? (Qur’an 2: 148)
Be as you were created and do not change your voice or modify your walk. Cultivate your personality by following what is found in revelation, but do not render your existence void by imitating others and by depriving yourself of your individuality.
Your tastes and preferences are specific to you and we want you to stay as you are, especially because that is the way you were created and that is how we know you to be. The Prophet (bpuh) said:
“And let no one among you be an imitator of others”
In terms of characteristics, people are like the world of trees and plants: sweet and sour, tall and short, and so on. Your beauty and value is in preserving your natural state. Our varied colors, languages, talents, and abilities are signs from our Creator, the Almighty, All-Glorious, so do not disbelieve in them.
PRE-ORDAINMENT
(No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees – before we bring it into existence.) (Qur’an 57: 22)
The pen has dried, the pages have been lifted: all events that shall come to pass have already been written.
(Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us) (Qur’an 9: 5)
Whatever has befallen you was not meant to escape you, and whatever has escaped you was not meant to befall you: lf this belief were to be firmly ingrained in your heart, then all hardship and difficulty would become ease and comfort. The Prophet (bpuh) said:
“Whoever Allah wishes good for, He inflicts him (with hardship). “
For this reason, do not feel overly troubled if you are afflicted with sickness, the death of a son, or a loss in wealth. Allah has decreed these matters to occur and the decisions are His and His alone. When we truly have this faith, we shall be rewarded well and our sins shall be atoned for.
For those that are afflicted with disaster, glad tidings await them: so remain patient and happy with your Lord.
(He cannot be questioned as to what He does, while they will be questioned) (Qur’an 21: 23)
You will never completely feel at ease until you firmly believe that Allah has already pre-ordained all matters. The pen has dried and with it has been written everything that will happen to you. Therefore do not feel remorse over that which is not in your hands. Do not think that you could have prevented the fence from falling, the water from flowing, the wind from blowing, or the glass from breaking. You could not have prevented these things, whether you wanted to or not. All that has been preordained shall come to pass.
(Then whosoever wills let hint believe, and whosoever wills, let him disbelieve.) (Qur’an 18: 29)
Surrender yourself: believe in preordainment, before pangs of anger and regret overwhelm you. If you have done all that was in your power, and afterwards what you had been striving against still takes place, have firm faith that it was meant to be. Do not say, ‘Had I done such-and-such, such-and-such would have happened’; rather say, ‘This is the decree of Allah, and what He wishes, He does.’
VERILY, WITH HARDSHIP, THERE IS RELIEF
(Verily with hardship, there is relief) (Qur’an 94: 6)
Eating follows hunger, drinking follows thirst, sleep comes after restlessness, and health takes the place of sickness. The lost will find their way, the one in difficulty will find relief, and the day will follow the night.
(Perhaps Allah may bring a victory or a decision according to His Will)
(Qur’an 5: 52)
Inform the night of a coming morning, the light of which will permeate the mountains and valleys. Give to the afflicted tidings of a sudden relief that will reach them with the speed of light or with the blinking of an eye.
lf you see that the desert extends for miles and miles, then know that beyond that distance are green meadows with plentiful shade.
lf you see the rope tighten and tighten, know that it will snap.
Tears are followed by a smile, fear is replaced by comfort, and anxiety is overthrown by serenity. When the fire was set for him, Prophet Ibraheem (Abraham) (may peace be upon him) did not feel its heat because of the help he received from his Lord.
(We [Allah] said: ‘O’ fire! Be you coolness and safety for Ibraheem!)
(Qur’an 21: 69)
The sea would not drown Prophet Moses (may peace be upon him), because he uttered in a confident, strong, and truthful manner:
(‘Nay, verily! With me is my Lord, He will guide me.) (Quran 26: 62)
The Prophet Muhammad (bpuh) told Abu Bakr in the cave that Allah was with them then peace and tranquility descended upon them.
Those that are slaves of the moment see only misery and wretchedness. This is because they look only at the wall and door of the room, whereas they should look beyond such barriers as are set before them.
Therefore do not be in despair: it is impossible for things to remain the same. The days and years rotate, the future is unseen, and every day Allah has matters to bring forth. You know it not, but it may be that Allah will afterwards bring some new thing to pass. And verily, with hardship there is relief.
CONVERT A LEMON INTO A SWEET DRINK
An intelligent and skillful person transforms losses into profits; whereas, the unskilled person aggravates his own predicament, often making two disasters out of one.
The Prophet (bpuh) was compelled to leave Makkah, but rather than quit his mission, he continued it in Madeenah – the city that took its place in history with lightning speed.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal was severely tortured and flogged, and yet he emerged triumphant from that ordeal, becoming the Imam of the Sunnah. Imam Ibn Taymiyah was put into prison; he later came out an even more accomplished scholar than he was before. Imam As-Sarakhsi was held as a prisoner, kept at the bottom of an unused well; he managed therein to produce twenty volumes on Islamic jurisprudence. Ibn Atheer became crippled, after which he wrote Jam’ey al-Usool and An-Nihoyoh, two of the most famous books in the Science of Hadith. Imam Ibn al-Jawzi was banished from Baghdad. Then, through his travels, he became proficient in the seven recitations of the Quran. Maalik ibn ar-Rayb was on his deathbed when he recited his most famous and beautiful poem, which is appreciated until this day. When Abi Dhu’aib al-Hadhali’s children died before him, he eulogized them with a poem that the world listened to and admired.
Therefore, if you are afflicted with a misfortune, look on the bright side. If someone were to hand you a glass full of squeezed lemons, add to it a handful of sugar. And if someone gives you a snake as a gift, keep its precious skin and leave the rest.
(And it may be that you dislike a thing that is good for you)
(Qur’an 2: 216)
Before its violent revolution, France imprisoned two brilliant poets: one an optimist, the other a pessimist. They both squeezed their heads through the bars of their cell windows. The optimist then stared at the stars and laughed, while the pessimist looked at the dirt of a neighboring road and wept. Look at the other side of a tragedy —- a circumstance of pure evil does not exist, and in all situations one can find goodness and profit and reward from Allah.
IS NOT HE [BETTER THAN YOUR GODS] WHO RESPONDS TO THE DISTRESSED
(Is not He [better than your gods] who responds to the distressed one, when he calls Him…)
(Qur’an 27: 62)
From whom do the weak and the oppressed seek victory? Who does everyone beseech? He is Allah. None has the right to be worshipped except Him.
Therefore it is most advisable for you and I to invoke Him during times of both hardship and ease, to seek shelter with Him in difficult times, and to plead at His doorstep with tears of repentance; then will His help and relief quickly arrive.
(Is not He [better than your gods] who responds to the distressed one, when he calls Him”.) (Quran 27: 62)
He saves the one who is drowning, gives victory to the oppressed, guides the misguided, cures the sick, and provides relief to the afflicted.
(And when they embark on a ship, they invoke Allah, making their Faith pure for Him only…) (Qur’an 29: 65)
As for the various supplications one makes to remove hardship, I refer you to the books of the Sunnah. In them, you will learn prophetic supplications with which you can call to Allah, supplicate to Him, and seek His aid. lf you have found Him, then you have found everything. And if you lose your faith in Him, then you have lost everything. By supplicating to Him you are performing one of the highest forms of worship. lf y0u are persistent and sincere in your supplication, you will achieve freedom from worry and anxiety. All ropes are cut loose save His, and all doors are shut save His. He is near; He hears all and answers those who supplicate to Him.
(….invoke me [and ask me for anything], I will respond to your [invocation].)
(Qur’an 40: 60)
If you are living through affliction and pain, remember Allah, call out His name, and ask Him for help. Place your forehead on the ground and mention His praises, so that you can obtain true freedom.
Raise your hands in supplication, and ask of Him constantly. Cling to His door, have good thoughts about Him, and wait for His help – you will then find true happiness and success.
ENOUGH FOR YOU IS YOUR HOME
The words ‘isolation’ and ‘seclusion’ have a special meaning in our religion: to stay away from evil and its perpetrators, and to keep those who are foolish at a distance. When you seclude yourself from evil in this manner, you will have an opportunity to reflect, to think, to graze in the meadows of enlightenment.
When you isolate yourself from things that divert you from Allah’s obedience, you are giving yourself a dose of medicine, one that doctors of the heart have found to be a most potent cure. When you seclude yourself from evil and idleness, your brain is stimulated into action. The results are increases in faith, repentance, and remembrance of Allah, the Most Merciful.
However, some gatherings are not only recommended, but necessary: the congregational prayer, circles of learning, and all gatherings of righteousness. As for gatherings wherein frivolity and shallowness prevail, be wary of them. Take flight from such gatherings, weep over your wrongdoing, hold your tongue, and be content within the boundaries of your home. By mixing with others based on foolish motives, you endanger the stability and soundness of your mind, for the people you indiscriminately mix with are likely to be experts at wasting time, masters at spreading lies, and skilled in spreading both trouble and mischief
Had they marched out with you, they would have added to you nothing except disorder; and they would have hurried about in your midst [spreading corruption] and sowing sedition among you… (Qur’an 9: 4 7)
I advise you to fortify yourself to your purpose and isolate yourself in your room, except when you leave it to speak well or to do well. When you apply this advice, you will find that your heart has returned to you. So use your time well and save your life from being wasted. Hold your tongue from backbiting, free your heart from anxiety, and preserve your ears from profanity.
Source: Islam Basics By Aaidh ibn Abdullah Al-Qarnee
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