HONORING THE TIES OF KINSHIP
All praise is for Alláh who created man from water (meaning the sperm mixed in semen), and from man emerged the blood and marriage relationships. Alláh(swt), thus, made honoring the ties of kinship obligatory and prescribed a great reward for those who fulfill this obligation.
I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship except Alláh(swt) Alone having no partners. This is a testimony that I save for Judgement Day. I also bear witness that Muhammad(pbuh) is Alláh’s Messenger and slave, who of all people attained the greatest reverence and the most superb reputation. May the peace and of Alláh be upon him, his family, his Companions who undertook righteousness as their way of life and those who follow in their footsteps.
O people, fear Alláh(swt) and safeguard what He ordered you to safeguard. Keep and safeguard His rights and the rights of His people and creations. Keep and honor the ties of kinship (Arhaam). Some people understand the meaning of Arhaam incorrectly. Arhaam are the people related to you through blood bond. They are also called Al-Ansaab. So they are not the relatives of the husband or wife, as some people mistakenly understand. The husband or wife’s relatives are called Al-Ashár, who are the people related to you by bond of marriage.
Ar-Rahm (blood relatives) and Al-Ansaab are the parents, children and everyone related to the person through them by blood bond (e.g. the grandfather, the grandmother, the uncle, the aunt, and the grandchildren).
A Muslim ought to keep contact with his Arhaam by visiting them, offering them gifts and money if they need it, being compassionate with them and showing them cheerfulness and the respect that they deserve. In brief, a Muslim must offer them anything recognized as a way of keeping ties with them. By doing so, a Muslim shall gain a good reputation and achieve a great reward. It is his way to heaven and to qualify for Alláh’s attention in this life and the Hereafter. Alláh(swt) said:
“But it is only the men of understanding that pay heed. Those who fulfil the Covenant of Alláh and break not the Mitháq (bond, treaty, covenant). And those who join that which Alláh has commanded to be joined (i.e., they are good to their relatives and do not sever the bond of kinship), and fear their Lord, and dread the terrible reckoning (i.e. abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which Alláh has forbidden and perform all kinds of good deeds which Alláh has ordained). And those who remain patient, seeking their Lord’s Countenance, perform As-Salát (iqamat-as-Salat), and spend out of that which We have bestowed upon them, secretly and openly, and defend evil with good, for such there is a good end.” (13:19-22)
Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated on the authority of Abu Ayub AI-Ansari that he reported that aman had asked the Messenger(pbuh) saying: “O Messenger of Alláh(pbuh)! Tell me about what (qualifies me to) enter Paradise and draws me away from Hellfire.” The Prophet(pbuh) replied:
“He has been granted success”, or he (pbuh)said: “He has been guided.” Then he asked the man: “what did you say?” The man then repeated his question. Thereupon the Prophet(pbuh) answered: “You worship Alláh without taking partners with Him, establish the prayer, pay your Zakát dues, and keep the ties of your kinship.” After that the man left. Then the Prophet(pbuh) said: “If he holds fast to what I commanded him, he will enter Paradise.” (Al-Bukhari) Keeping ties with one’s relatives is a cause for lengthening his lifetime and increasing his provision. The Prophet(pbuh) said:
“He who desires to be granted more provision and that his lifetime to be prolonged, should treat his kith and kin well.” (Agreed upon)
The Messenger of Alláh(pbuh) also said:
“Allah, the Most High, created the creation. After He finished that, Ar-Rahm (the ties of kinship) rose up and said: ‘At this place I seek refuge with You from all those who sever me.’ Alláh said: ‘Yes. Are you not satisfied that I keep the ties with him who keeps you and sever the ties with him who sever you.’ Ar-Rahm then said: ‘I am satisfied.’ Alláh said: ‘You are to be given what you asked for. ‘”
The Messenger of Alláh(pbuh) also said:
“Ar-Rahm (the ties of kinship) is holding onto the Throne and saying: He who keeps me, may Alláh(swt) keep ties with him, yet whosoever severs me, may Alláh sever the ties with him.” (Agreed upon)
The Messenger of Alláh(pbuh) had shown that taking care of Ar-Rahm and keeping ties with them is to be more rewarded than the freeing of slaves. Al-Bukhári and Muslim narrated on the authority of Maymounah, the Mother of the believers that she said:
“O Messenger of Alláh(pbuh)! Have you noticed that I freed my slave-girl?” He(pbuh) said: “You did?” she said: “Yes” He said: “If you had given her to your maternal uncles, it would have been of a greater reward for you.”
O people, some people do not visit their relatives or keep contact with them except when the relatives visit first. This is not how a Muslim should keep the ties of kinship. This is rather called; returning a visit; since it is normal for an intact human nature to give rewards for good behavior and benevolence whether they were done by a relative or otherwise. The Prophet(pbuh) said:
“He who rewards a good deed being done to him by a relative (mainly by returning a visit), is not the one who upholds the ties of relationships. It is he who keeps the ties with those relatives even when they sever the ties of kinship with him.” (Al-Bukhári)
I exhort you to keep this tie with your relatives uncut, even if they boycott and abandon you. The great reward will certainly be yours, not theirs.
A man called on the Prophet(pbuh) and said: “O Messenger of Alláh, I have relatives with whom I keep ties with, but they sever relations with me. I treat them kindly, yet they are bad towards me, and I am patient with them, whereas they treat me badly and roughly.” Upon hearing that the Prophet(pbuh) said: “If you are as you say, it is as if you are applying hot ashes to them and you will always have a supporter frorn Alláh against them so long as you keep doing what you are doing.”
O believers, beware of abandoning your relatives (especially your female relatives), as it is a reason for Alláh’s curse and punishment. Alláh(swt) says:
“Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Alláh has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.” (47:22,23)
Alláh(pbuh) also says:
“And those who break the Covenant of Alláh, after its ratification, and sever that which Alláh has commanded to be joined, and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse, and for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” (13:25)
Alláh(swt) has insured Ar-Rahm (the ties of kinship) to sever and abandon everyone that severs and abandons them. Alláh(swt) has insured Ar-Rahm to withhold his favors from him who severs their ties, Ar-Rahm becomes contented announcing while holding onto the Throne: “He who severs my ties shall be severed.”
Jubayer bin Mutim narrated that The Prophet(pbuh) had said:
“He who severs the tie of kinship, shall not enter Paradise.” (Agreed upon)
The worst severance of ties is when one severs the ties with one’s parents. Then comes the severance of ties with the closest relatives. For this, the Prophet(pbuh) said:
“Should I not tell you the greatest of the major sins?” repeating three times; the Companions said: “Yes, indeed O Messenger of Alláh.” He said: “Taking partners with Alláh(swt) and being defiant and ungrateful towards your parents.”
It is such a great sin that it is ranked next to Shirk (taking partners with Alláh in worship). You are ungrateful to your parents when you cease to treat them kindly or honor them. Worse than that is when you do not only stop being kind and benevolent with them, but also become rebellious towards them. You moreover, become aggressive and oppressive with them whether directly or indirectly. Both Al-Bukhári and Muslim narrated on the authority of Abdullah bin amar that the Prophet(pbuh) said:
“It is from the major sins when one curses his parents.” The Companions said: “Is it possible that a man curses his parents?” He(pbuh) answered, “Yes, it is. A man curses another man’s father, so the latter curses the first man’s father and mother.”
The Companions could not fathom the possibility of someone cursing his parents directly. It is indeed unfathomable because it goes against all the norms of decency. Therefore, the Prophet(pbuh) explained that this might occur directly or indirectly when someone causes another to curse his parents, simply by cursing their parents. ‘Ali narrated that the Prophet(pbuh) had taught him four words (statements):
“Allah curses him who slaughters (cattle, sheep, livestock) in the name of something other than Alláh, Alláh curses him who curses his parents. Alláh curses him who gives sanctuary and shelter for an innovator in Islam (the one who starts a Bid’ah. Alláh curses him who changes the ownership of land (tyrannically).”
O servants of Alláh! You, who believe in Alláh(swt) and His Messenger(pbuh), examine your situation! Have you done what is required of you regarding your relatives? Are you honoring the ties of kinship? Are you kind to them? Do you smile at them? Do you show them the best of you when you meet them? Do you pay them what they deserve from you in love, reverence and honor? Do you visit them when they are healthy or ill to show them that you care? Do you help them financially when they are in need?
Some people do not perceive their parents who reared them and took care of them except disrespectfully. Some would honor their wives and dishonor their mothers, be close to their friends and far from their fathers. When they have to visit their parents, they feel like they are sitting on live coals. They will feel so uncomfortable and their stay there will seem to last forever. The moment will be like a whole hour or even longer. lf he has to talk to them, he will do so but forcibly. He would never confide to them any secret or even speak to them about any important matter. By doing so, those people deprive themselves of the pleasure and reward they could have attained had they been benevolent and righteous children for their parents.
Furthermore, sorne people do not see their relatives as relatives and do not treat them the way they deserve to be treated. They would start a fight with them over any little thing and fall out with them over trivial matters. As for fulfilling their commitments towards their relatives, this may never happen which means they would never keep the ties of kinship with them, never speak to them, and definitely never help them financially when they need it. Even if these people were wealthy and their relatives were poor and unable to help themselves. The scholars say that if a person can inherit from a relative of his, then he is obligated to help his relative ifhe is in need. Concerning this, Allah(swt) says:
“And on the (father’s) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father).” (2:233)
This means a share similar to the father’s obligation regarding spending on the needy dependant. If, after that the person becomes stingy and does not fulfill his obligation, he will regret it on the Day of Judgement whether the dependant asks for his right or feels shy to do so.
O servants of Alláh! Fear Alláh and preserve your ties with your relatives! Do not terminate your relationships with them and always remember what Allah(swt) has prepared for those who strive to keep the ties of kinship! Likewise, remember what Allah(swt) has also prepared for those who sever these ties.
With this, I conclude my speech and ask Allah(swt) to forgive all of our sins. Seek His forgiveness for He is the All-Forgiving, the Most Merciful.
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John Doe
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