FORMING THE HOUSEHOLD
(1) Making a good choice when choosing a wife
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e., a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people).” [al-Noor 24:32 – interpretation of the meaning].
The head of the household must select a righteous and suitable wife based on the following conditions described in various ahaadeeth:
“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” (Agreed upon).
“This world is all temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this life is a righteous wife.” (Reported by Muslim, 1468).
“Let every one of you have a thankful heart, a remembering tongue [remembering Allaah] and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.” (Reported by Ahmad, 5/282, and al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah from Thawbaan. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5231).
According to another report: “A righteous wife to help you with your worldly and religious affairs is the best treasure anyone could have.” (Reported by al-Bayhaqi. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4285).
“Marry one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud before the other Prophets of your great numbers on the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by Ahmad. Saheeh al-Irwa’, 6/195).
“I advise you to marry virgins, for their wombs are more fresh, their mouths are more sweet and they are more content with little.” According to another report: “… and they are less likely to deceive.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah. Al-Silsilah al-Saheeh, 623).
Just as a righteous wife is one of the four elements of happiness, so a bad wife is one of the four elements of misery, as it says in the saheeh hadeeth: “One of (the elements of) happiness is a righteous wife, who when you see her you feel pleased, and when you are away, you feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property. And one of (the elements of) misery is a bad wife who when you see her, you feel upset, she keeps attacking you verbally, and when you are away, you do not feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property.”
On the other hand, it is also essential to look at the situation of the prospective husband who is proposing marriage to the Muslim woman, and to agree to his proposal in accordance with the following conditions:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religion and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or sister, etc.] to him, otherwise there will be fitnah and great corruption in the land.”
All of the above must be achieved through asking the right questions, verifying facts, gathering information and checking sources, so that the home will not be corrupted or destroyed.
The righteous man and righteous woman together will build a righteous home, because “the vegetation of a good land comes forth (easily) by the Permission of its Lord, and that which is bad, brings forth nothing but a little with difficulty…” [al-A’raaf 7:58 – interpretation of the meaning].
(2) Striving to guide one’s wife
If one’s wife is righteous, this is a blessing indeed, and this is from the Bounty of Allaah. If she is not that righteous, then it is the duty of the head of the household to strive to guide her. Any of the following scenarios may apply:
A man may marry a woman who is not religious in the first place, because he himself is not religious at first, or he may have married her in the hope of guiding her, or under pressure from his relatives, for example. In these cases he must strive hard to guide her.
A man must also realize from the outset that guidance comes from Allaah, and that Allaah is the One Who reforms people. One of His blessings to his slave Zakariya was, as He said (interpretation of the meaning): “… and [We] cured his wife for him…” [al-Anbiya’ 21:90]. This curing or reforming may have been physical or religious. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “She was barren and could not have children, then she had a child.” ‘Ataa’ said: “She was harsh of tongue, and Allaah reformed her.”
There are various means of guiding or reforming one’s wife, such as:
Paying attention to correcting her worship of Allaah in all its aspects, as will be discussed in detail below.
Striving to strengthen her eemaan, such as: encouraging her to pray at night (qiyaam al-layl)
encouraging her to read Qur’aan
encouraging her to memorize adhkaar and remember the appropriate times and occasions for saying them encouraging her to give charity encouraging her to read useful Islamic books encouraging her to listen to useful Islamic cassettes that can increase knowledge and strengthen eemaan – and continuing to supply her with them.
Choosing good, religious friends for her, with whom she can form ties of sisterhood and have good conversations and purposeful visits. Protecting her from evil and blocking off all avenues for it to reach her, by keeping her away from bad companions and bad places.
Source: Islam Basics by Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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