CHAPTER TWO : CHILDREN – PART 2
The preparation for his daughters’ new homes:
‘Ali narrated that when the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married him to Faatimah, he sent with her a garment, a pillow made from leather stuffed with date-palm leaves, two hand-mills, and two containers. (Reported by Ahmad (821).)
This shows the virtue of making the marriage easy, and shows that marriage preparations should be according to a person’s ability. Therefore, both the bride and groom should not exaggerate in going beyond their financial means in preparing their home for marriage.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave them a small house behind the house of his wife, ‘Aa’ishah from the north, facing the door known as “The Door of Gabriel.” There was a small door in their house that the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would sometimes enter from and which led to his house.
The father of the bride should help in the expenses of the marriage, and he should not say that everything is upon the groom. Nowadays, the groom is usually a young man who has recently graduated or just started work, and his salary may be low and he would naturally need help with the expenses.
The wedding feast of his daughters was very simple:
Buraydah (a Companion) narrated that when ‘Ali proposed to Faatimah, the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “A wedding must have a wedding feast.” So Sa’d (a Companion) said that he would bring a sheep, and another person said he would bring such and such amount of wheat. (Reported by Ahmad (22526).)
It is better to hold the wedding feast after the consummation of the marriage because this is the practice of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. However, if this is not possible then one can make it before the consummation, during the marriage contract, or even after it.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, took care of his daughters even after marriage:
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, not only took care of his daughters when they got married, he continued to do so even after the wedding. Nothing took his attention away from them, and he thought about them even in his most difficult times. When the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, wanted to leave for the battle of Badr to fight the Quraysh, his daughter Ruqayyah, was sick. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ordered her husband ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan to stay behind in Madeenah to take care of Ruqayyah. Then the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave him a portion of the booty from the battle and promised him the same reward (in the Hereafter) of one who fought therein.
Ibn ‘Umar said to a person who criticized ‘Uthmaan because he stayed behind in Badr, “As for his absence in the Battle of Badr, that was because he was married to the daughter of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and she was sick. So the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told him: “You have the reward and a portion of the booty of a person who fought in the Battle of Badr.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (3130).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not interfere in minor arguments between his daughters and their husbands:
Sahl ibn Sa’d (a Companion) narrated that the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, came to the house of Faatimah, and he did not find ‘Ali in the house So he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to her: “Where is your cousin [‘Ali]?” She said: “There was an argument between us, and we became angry, so he left and did not take his afternoon nap here in the house.” The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told a man to look for him and the man came back and said that ‘Ali was sleeping in the mosque. So the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, went to him while he
was lying down, and his upper garment had fallen on his side, and some of the dirt from the floor was on him. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, began wiping the soil off him, and saying: “Get up, Abu Turaab (A nickname for ‘Ali which means the man with soil on him.)!”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (441) and Muslim (2409).)
Ibn Hajar (a scholar) said: “From the benefits of this narration is that it is wise to humor the husband of one’s daughter and calm his anger if they (the couple) have a disagreement.” (Fat-h Al-Baari (536/1).)
We notice that the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not ask about the details of the argument between Faatimah and ‘Ali or the reason they became angry. Rather he overlooked all that and went to ‘Ali trying to make him happy. Many times when the family gets involved in an argument between the couple, it only causes the problems to increase and become more serious.
Among other benefits is that the narration tells us about the good manners of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, because he went to ‘Ali to try to please him, and he wiped the dirt off him to cheer him up and he jokingly called him by his nickname “Abu Turaab” to put him at ease. He did not blame ‘Ali for making his daughter angry, even though she had a high status in the eyes of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, nor did he speak to him about that, and this is from his wisdom.
Thus, this narration tells us about the virtue of being gentle to the daughter’s husbands, and calming them down and not blaming them to preserve their love.
Ibn Battaal (a scholar) said: “From the benefits of the narration is that even the most virtuous people may still develop problems with their wives, as anger is an integral part of human nature. This may even cause him to leave his house out of anger, and he should not be blamed for that. It is also possible that the reason ‘Ali left the house was his fear that he may say something while he was angry that would not be befitting to the high status of Faatimah. Thus, he cut off that possibility by leaving the house until they both calmed down.” (Fat-h Al-Baari (588/10).)
It is better for the husband to leave the house if he feels that the heat of the arguments may cause the marital problems to increase. Just as leaving the house in such a situation may cause him to look at himself and to realize any mistakes that have been made, which may not occur if he stayed home.
As for Fatimah, she did not leave the home; rather, she stayed in her own house. This is something that lessens the problem and its effects, as opposed to if she had left for her father’s home.
Thus, it is the responsibility of the family to have a positive role in guiding, advising the wife to be patient and to treat her husband kindly.
If one of his daughters visited him, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would welcome and honor her:
‘Aa’ishah said: when Faatimah visited the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, he would stand up to receive her, kiss her and seat her in his place. And when the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, visited Faatimah she would stand up to him, kiss him and seat him in her place. (Reported by Abu Dawood (5217) and At-Tirmidhi (3872).)
In the narration reported by Abu Dawood (a scholar): “He took her hand, and kissed her. He did this out of honor for her.”
‘Aa’ishah narrated that Fatimah came one day, and she walked like the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, so the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Welcome, my daughter.” Then he sat her down on his right or left. (Reported by Al-Bukhari (3624) and Muslim (2450).)
This narration indicates the place of Fatimah in the Prophet’s heart, his love for her and the way he honored her when he met her.
Where are these gentle manners in the hardhearted people who think that frowning and severity are signs of manhood and a good way to raise children, especially their daughters?
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, raised his daughters to disdain the worldly life and to give charity:
‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Umar (a Companion) narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, came to Faatimah and he found a curtain on her door, so he did not enter and he would rarely return from a journey without starting with visiting her. When ‘Ali came and saw her concerned, he asked her what the problem was. She replied, “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, came to my house but he did not enter.” ‘Ali went to him and said: “O Messenger of Allah, Faatimah is concerned because you came to her but did not enter the house.” So the Prophet of
Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “What do I have to do with this life and what do I have to do with its ornaments? I saw a colored striped curtain on her door [so I did not enter].” So ‘Ali went back to her and told her what he said. At this, she said: “Tell him to order me to dispense with it as he wishes.” So he went and said that the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Tell her to give it in charity to the children of so-and-so [a family that was in need].” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (2613) and Abu Dawood (4149).)
Ibn Hajar (a scholar) said: “Al-Muhallab and others said: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, hated for his daughter what he hated for himself, that the good things would be their reward in this life only and not in the next. He did not intend that putting a curtain on the door is forbidden.” (Fat-h Al-Baari (229/5).)
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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