CHAPTER TWO : CHILDREN – PART 1
How the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, dealt with his children
Introduction:
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the best of people to his family and the best at maintaining ties of kinship. This is clearly seen in the way he dealt with his children and cared for and provided for them in the best possible way. The relationships of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, with the children around him were based on compassion and care. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, raised his own children, stepchildren and grandchildren on Islamic principles and continued to look out for them even after their marriages. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, not only took care of some of their material needs, but was also there for their spiritual needs. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not differentiate between his own children and his stepchildren or other Muslim children in the community, but treated them all with the same love and compassion, and drew their attention to whatever was necessary for their education.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, shared all the worries and joys of his children, not only in his role as the Messenger of Allah but also as their loving and concerned father. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was fond of children and showed an interest in their activities. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, played and joked with them, patted their heads affectionately if he passed them on the streets and gave them lifts on his riding animal.
Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, never held back his love for children and was always demonstrative about his affection. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was always patient and considerate with children and took great pains not to hurt their tender feelings. Some people, fresh from the pre-Islamic era of ignorance, wondered why the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, played and joked with children and took such a keen interest in them. To them, the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.”
Today, child psychologists and educators affirm the efficacy of the Prophet’s methodology in dealing with children. This proves that the principles he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, followed are timeless and have lost none of their significance over centuries. The example of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is the best model for dealing with the youngest members of society, which ensures a brighter future for the entire society.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was blessed with a number of children:
He had three sons: Al-Qaasim, ‘Abdullaah, and Ibraaheem. As for At-Tayyib and At-Taahir, the correct opinion is that they are two nicknames for his son ‘Abdullaah, not two other sons. All these children died when they were young.
Al-Qaasim died in Makkah when he was two years and some months old, thereafter the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was given the nickname of Abu Al-Qaasim (the father of Al-Qaasim) in reference to him. His mother was Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid.
‘Abdullaah was also born to Khadeejah but after the beginning of the prophethood of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, he passed away in Makkah.
As for Ibraaheem, his mother was Maariya Al-Qibtiyyah. He was born in Madinah in the month of Dhul-Hijjah (the 12th month in the lunar calendar) in the eighth year of the Hijrah (migration) and died in year ten of the Hijrah, when he was only 17 or 18 months old.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was also blessed with four daughters: Zaynab, Ruqayyah, Faatimah and Umm Kulthum, and all were born to Khadeejah.
His first daughter was Zaynab and she married Abu Al-’Aas ibn Ar-Rabee’. As for Ruqayyah, she was his second daughter and she married ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan.
Umm Kulthum was his third daughter. ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan married her after the death of her sister Ruqayyah, and she also passed away while she was married to him. As for Faatimah, she was his fourth and final daughter, as well as the most beloved to him. She was born when the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was 41 years old, and passed away only six months after his death. She was married to ‘Ali Ibn
Abu Taalib.
These were the children of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, chose beautiful names with good meanings for them:
If we look at the names of the Prophet’s children, we observe that they are all beautiful names. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, always encouraged giving names with good meanings, and he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would change names that had bad meanings.
Sufyaan Ath-Thawri (a scholar) said: “It is said that the right of a child over his father is that he should choose a good name for him, and to marry him off when he is mature enough, and provide him to perform Hajj, and to teach him good manners and etiquettes.” (Reported by Ibn Abu Ad-Dunya in his book Al-’Iyaal (171).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, named his children on the day of their birth:
Anas ibn Maalik (a Companion) narrated that the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Tonight a boy was born to me, so I named him after my father Ibraaheem [Abraham].” (Reported by Muslim (2315). The term “…after my father Ibraaheem [Abraham]” means after Prophet Abraham. Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, referred to him as his father because Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is a descendant of Prophet Ishmael, the son of Prophet Abraham.)
Prophetic guidance in dealing with his sons and daughters
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, loved and honored his daughters, this is a lesson for the one who is blessed with daughters, even if they are many. He should show happiness at having them, thank Allah for the offspring He has given him, and make sure to give them a good upbringing and teach them noble manners.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Whoever is tested with some daughters and he is good to them, they will be a barrier for him from the Hellfire.”(Reported by Al-Bukhaari (5995) and Muslim (2629) on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah.) The meaning of tested is that Allah will see how he acts towards them, will he treat them well or not? Thus, whoever is good to them, they will be a protection and barrier for him from the Hellfire because of his good treatment of his daughters. This is because the girl is weak and vulnerable, so she needs special care and greater attention.
One of the obligations of the father is to marry his daughter to a worthy man who is both religious and has good manners.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married his daughters to the best of men:
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married Zaynab to Abu Al-’Aas ibn Ar-Rabee’ from the tribe of Quraysh, who was the son of her maternal aunt, Haalah bint Khuwaylid. Abu Al-’Aas was known in Makkah for his wealth and business and his trustworthiness.
Zaynab, stayed with her husband, and remained a believer, while he stayed upon his polytheism. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, then made the Hijrah to Madinah (migration) while she stayed behind in Makkah, and he could not take his daughter with him. Thus, when the Quraysh went to the Battle of Badr, Abu Al-’Aas ibn Ar-Rabee’ went with them and was captured by the Muslims as a prisoner of war.
‘Aa’ishah (the wife of the Prophet) narrated that when the people of Makkah sent the ransom for the captives (of Badr), Zaynab sent some money and a necklace belonging to her as a ransom for Abu Al-’Aas. The necklace had previously belonged to her mother Khadeejah, which had been a present from her when Zaynab married Abu Al-’Aas. When the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, saw the necklace it affected
him greatly and he said: “If you see it fit to release her captive and to return to her what belongs to her [i.e. then do so].” They agreed and the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, made Abu Al-’Aas promise to send Zaynab back to him. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, sent Zayd ibn Haarithah and another man from the Ansaar, and said: “Wait at a place called Batn Ya’jaj until Zaynab passes by, then accompany her until you bring her back here.”(Reported by Abu Dawood (2692).)
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, praised Abu Al-’Aas ibn Ar-Rabee’ and said: “He spoke to me and told the truth, and he promised me and fulfilled his promise.”(Reported by Al-Bukhaari (3110) and Muslim (2449) on the authority of Al-Musawwar Ibn Mukhramah.) He had promised the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, that he would return to Makkah after the Battle of Badr so he could send his daughter Zaynab back to him. He fulfilled his promise and separated from her, even though he loved her.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married his daughter Ruqayyah to the righteous ruler ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan. One of the outstanding characteristics for which ‘Uthman was known was his Hayaa’ (shyness). The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, loved him very much, respected him greatly and gave him the glad tidings of Paradise. So when Ruqayyah died, the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi
wa sallam, married ‘Uthmaan to her sister, Umm Kulthum and she too passed away while being married to ‘Uthmaan.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married his daughter Faatimah to ‘Ali ibn Abu Taalib who was one of the first young people to believe in the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. ‘Ali was raised in the home of the Prophet of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, before Islam and remained with him, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, until his Prophethood. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, loved him, drew him close and gave him the glad tidings of Paradise.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would ask the opinion of his daughters in their marriages
‘Ata’ ibn Rabah (a scholar) narrated that when ‘Ali proposed to Faatimah, the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, came to her and said: “’Ali has mentioned you.” She stayed silent, so the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married her to ‘Ali(Reported by Ibn Sa’d (20/8) in his book At-Tabaqat.).
This was because the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, considered her silence as a form of acceptance of the husband, for the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “The virgin girl should not be married off until she gives her permission.” They asked him, “How can she give permission?” He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied: “For her to stay silent.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (5136) and Muslim (1419) on the authority of Abu Hurayrah.)
Thus, the daughter is a trust in her father’s house, and it is not permissible for her father to marry her to a man against her wishes.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not exaggerate in the dowry of his daughters:
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married his daughter with a very small dowry. Ibn ‘Abbas (a Companion) narrated that ‘Ali said: “I married Faatimah and the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘Give her something.’ I said: ‘I have nothing.’ So the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘Where is your “Hutami” armor?’ I said: ‘It is with me.’ So he told me to give it to her.” (Reported by Abu Dawood (2125) and An-Nasa’i (3375).)
Ibn Al-Atheer (a scholar) said: “Hutami armor is in reference to a tribe called Hutamah ibn Muhaarib that produced it. Or, it is a reference to the word’s original meaning in Arabic of breaking, i.e. it breaks swords when they hit it.” (An-Nihayah (9941).)
This simple armor was the dowry of the daughter of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, his youngest daughter, and the leader of the women in Paradise!
As for the modern custom of making the dowry very expensive, this is not from the guidance of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. If making the dowry a large amount was a form of honor (for the bride), then the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would have been the first to do so.
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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