CHAPTER 6: THE WALIMAH (2)
Honoring The Guests
The guest has a right upon his host: he should be well treated and honored. Honoring the guest is a sign of true belief. Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“He who believes in Allah and the Last Day should honor his guest; he who believes in Allah and the Last Day should be kind to his kin; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day should either say a good thing or remain silent.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
Prophetic Manners in Honoring the Guests
One can learn a great deal about the fine manners of honoring the guests from a few ayat describing Ibrahim’s treatment of his guests. Allah (swt) says:
“Has the story reached you of the honored guests of Ibrahim? That was when they entered upon him and said, “Peace (be upon you)!” He answered, “(And upon you be) peace, unfamiliar folks!” Then he turned quietly to his household, brought forth a fat (roasted) calf, and placed it before them. He said, “Will you not eat?” (Ath-Thariyat 51: 24-27)
Ibn ul-Qayyim provides a very inspiring coverage of the various lessons that one can learn from these ayat. In what follows, we summarize his discussion in regard to honoring the guests. (The full text of Ibn ul-Qayyim is presented in the Author’s translation of ar-Risalat ut-Tabukiyyah.)
1. Ibrahim went quietly and secretly (ragha) to prepare the food. This indicates his hastening to honor and serve his guests m a secret manner in order not to embarrass them. This is to be contrasted with one who would purchase and prepare the food slowly and lazily, all in the presence of his guests. Such action would surely embarrass and disturb them.
2. For preparing the food, Ibrahim turned to no place other than his own household. This indicates that he had all what is usually needed to honor and serve the guests. He had no need of seeking anything from the neighbors or elsewhere.
3. Ibrahim brought the calf by himself. He served his guests personally rather than sending someone else to serve them.
4. Ibrahim brought before them a complete animal, and not just a portion of it. This would allow them to select any part of it that they favor.
5. Ibrahim brought before them a fat animal, and not a skinny one. Furthermore, being a young calf and not a full grown cow indicates that it was an expensive animal that should please the guests. His generosity and hospitality made him slaughter it despite its value.
6. Ibrahim brought the food and placed it in front of the guests rather than putting it in another room and having them move to reach it.
7. Rather than saying, “Go ahead and eat!”, Ibrahim invited the guests to eat with kind words, “Will you not eat?” — thereby giving them the choice of eating or not.
Manners for the Guests
There are also certain adab that should be exhibited by a guest who is invited to a walimah or other meals. In what follows, we present some of the most important adab.
Answering the Invitation Is a Religious Obligation
It is an obligation on every person who is invited to a walimah to attend – unless he has a legitimate Islamic excuse.
Ibn ‘Umar reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“When one of you is invited to a walimah, he should attend it — if it is a wedding or something like it. When one of you is invited to a walimah, he should
attend it — if it is a wedding or something like it. ” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others. The part specifying the wedding is recorded by Abu Ya’la and verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Adah uz-Zifaf p. 154).)
Ibn Hajar concluded from this hadith that answering the invitation is wajib because the one who does not do it is disobedient. “ (Fath ul-Bari.)
Abu Musa al-Ash’ari reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Set the (Muslim) captives free (by paying their ransom to the enemies), respond to the caller (to a walimah and its likes), and visit the sick.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari.)
This carries a command from the Prophet (pbuh), which again establishes that answering the invitation is a wajib.
With this understanding, one should answer the invitation with Tman (believing in its religious value) and ihtisab (seeking Allah’s reward for his attendance). If this is sincerely fulfilled, attending a walimah becomes a rewardable act of worship.
Legitimate Excuses
A legitimate excuse that justifies not attending a walimah is any reason that would make attending it beyond a person’s reasonable ability. Allah (swt) says:
“Allah does not burden a person beyond his capacity.” (Al-Baqarah 2:286.)
And He says:
“Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship.” (Al-Baqarah 2:185.)
And He says:
“So have taqwa of Allah as much as you are able.” (At-Taghabun 64:16.)
Thus, the following could count as legitimate excuses:
1. Being invited to two walimahs in two different places at the same time.
2. Having to undertake an expensive trip to attend the walimah.
3. Having at the same time an important appointment that missing it would result in a serious harm in wealth, health, or well-being. Ex., a school examination, a business deal, etc.
However, even in such cases where a person feels that he is justified in turning down an invitation to a walimah, he should contact the host and present his excuse ahead of time.
Avoiding Invitations that Involve Disobedience
One should decline the invitation to a walTmah that includes acts of disobedience to Allah, such as drinking alcohol, music, mixing between men and women, and so on.
‘Ali Bin Abi Talib reported that he prepared some food and invited the Prophet (pbuh). When the Prophet (pbuh) arrived, he saw some pictures and turned to leave. ‘AIT said, “O Allah’s Messenger, what made you turn back — may my mother and father be your ransom ?”
He (pbuh) replied:
“Indeed, there is a curtain in the house on which there are pictures; and the angels do not enter any house in which there are pictures.”(Recorded by Ibn Majah and Abu Ya’la. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 161).
Aslam, the servant of ‘Umar, reported that when ‘Umar went to ash-Sham (Palestine and the surrounding lands), one of the Christian leaders prepared some food (in a church) and said to Umar, “Indeed, I would like you and your companions to come and honor me.” ‘Umar said:
“Indeed, we do not enter your churches because of all of the images that are in them.” (Recorded by al-Bayhaql. Verified to be authentic by al-Albanl (Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 164-165)
Abu Mas’ud ‘Uqbah Bin “Amr reported that a man once prepared food for him and invited him. He asked the man, “Are there pictures in the house?” The man replied, “Yes.” Abu Mas’ud then refused to enter until the image was smashed, then he entered. (Recorded by al-Bayhaqi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 165).)
Al-Awzai said:
“We do not attend a walimah in which there are drums or lutes.” (Recorded by Abu al-Hasan al-Harbi (in al-Fawaid ul-Muntaqat). Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p.166).)
Eating from the Food
Even though it is obligatory to respond to the invitation, it is not obligatory to eat from the food. Depending on his situation, the guest may wish to eat or abstain from eating. In the second case, he should present his excuse for not eating in order to avoid offending the host.
Jabir Bin ‘Abdillah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“When one of you is invited to eat, he should respond to the invitation. If he then wishes, he may eat; and if he wishes, he may refrain from eating.” (Recorded by Muslim and others.)
However, it is better to eat, even a little bit, as is mentioned in the next section.
What Fasting People Should Do
A fasting person may remain fasting in a walimah. Instead of eating he should then supplicate for the host.
Abu Hurayrah and Ibn Mas’ud reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“When one of you is invited to eat, he should answer the invitation. If he is not fasting, he should eat; and if he happens to be fasting, let him supplicate (asking blessings for the host).” (Recorded by Muslim and others. The last part (about the blessings) is only reported by Ibn Mas’ud, recorded by at-Tabarani and Ibn us-Sunni, and verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1953).)
Ibn ‘Umar reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Answer this invitation (to a walimah) when you are invited.”
And Ibn ‘Umar used to attend when he was invited to a walimah, and would sometimes attend while fasting. (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
However, if one is fasting a voluntary fasting, it is recommended for him to break his fast, especially if he expects his eating to bring iov to the host’s heart.
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that he once prepared some food for Allah’s Messenger (pbuh). The Messenger (pbuh) came with some of his companions. When the food was brought, one man stayed away saying, “I am fasting.” Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) then said:
“Your brother has invited you and toiled for your sake! Break your fast and fast another day instead — if you wish.” (Recorded by al-Bayhaqi, at-TabaranI (in al-Awsat), and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa ul-Ghalil no. 1952 & Adab uz-Zifaf p. 159))
(This hadith also indicates that it is not obligatory to make-up a voluntary fasting.)
Seeking Permission to Enter
When one goes to a walimah or its like, the host would usually be expecting him and there is not much necessity for seeking permission to enter – especially if it is held in a public place.
Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“A messenger from one man to another (inviting him) gives him the permission (to attend).” (Recorded by Abu Dawud, Ibn Hibban, and al-Bukhari in al-Adab ul-Mufrad. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1955).)
In another report, Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“When one of you is invited to food and he comes with the messenger, that constitutes a permission for him.” (Recorded by Abu Dawud and al-Bukhari in al-Adab ul-Mufrad. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1955).)
However, if the food is served in a private home, one must seek permission to enter. Allah (swt) says:
“O you who believe! Do not enter houses other than your own until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you — that you may remember.” (An-Nur 24:27.)
Taking permission is important for a number of reasons, among which are the following:
1. The host should prepare himself for receiving the guests and make sure that their eyes would not fall on any of the women of the house who may be improperly dressed.
Sahl Bin Sa’d reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Indeed, seeking permission to enter has only been ordained for the sake of the eye sight.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
2. The host should be given the chance to ascertain that those who seek admission have all been invited. More about this will be discussed in the next subsection.
When Going Without Invitation
We saw from the above hadiths in the previous subsection that an invitation constitutes permission to attend. An uninvited person, therefore, has no guaranteed permission to be admitted – the host has the full right of either receiving him or asking him to leave.
Abu Mas’ud al-Ansari al-Badri reported that a man from al-Ansar, Abu Shu’ayb, had a slave who was a butcher. One day, while the Prophet (pbuh) was sitting with four of his companions, Abu Shu’ayb visited him and noticed signs of hunger on his face. He rushed to his slave and ordered, “Prepare a meal sufficient for five persons so that I may invite the Prophet (pbuh) and the other four men.” On their way to his house, a sixth man followed them. When they reached his door, the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Indeed, this man has followed us. If you wish you may admit him, and if you wish you may refuse him.”
“Abu Shu’ayb said, “No, I will admit him, O Allah’s Messenger.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
This hadith indicates that the host may choose to accept or reject any uninvited guests, since he knows better how capable he is of entertaining his guests.
Unfortunately, we witness many cases where invited guests bring with them some uninvited individuals, thereby embarrassing the host and making it difficult for him to refuse them. They may even take personal offense if the host refused to admit their invitees. This is a clear violation of the Sunnah and deviation from proper guest etiquettes.
Greeting with Salam, and Shaking Hands
When a Muslim meets his Muslim brothers, he should greet them with salam. Similarly, when one enters into someone’s house for food or some other reason, he should greet the people who are present with salam. Allah (swt) says:
“When you enter the houses, greet one another with a greeting from Allah, blessed and good.” (An-Nur 24:61.)
The host and other people who are present should respond with a greeting as good or better. Allah (swt) says:
“When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) respond to it equally. Indeed, Allah is ever a Careful Accountant over all things.” (An-Nisa 4:86.)
The reader is further referred to the hadiths of Ibn ‘Amr and Suhayb that were cited early in this chapter (p. 106).
Some people greet each other with non-Islamic greetings, such as, “Good evening,” “Hi,” and so on. This should be avoided, because Allah gave us a better greeting: the salam. It carries a supplication of peace, and it is the greeting of the angels and the people of Jannah. (See, for example, ar-Ra’d 13:24.)
Some people are also of the non-Islamic habit of hugging and kissing each other whenever they meet. Hugging should only be reserved for meeting a person after a long absence, such as one who just came back from travel. In other situations, the Muslims should greet each other with salam and shake each others’ hands.
Anas Bin Malik reported that a man asked the Prophet (pbuh) “O Messenger of Allah! When one of us meets his (Muslim) brother, should he bow his head to him?” He (pbuh) replied, “No!” The man asked “Should he embrace and kiss him?” He replied, “No!” The man then asked, “Should he shake his hand?” The Prophet (pbuh) replied, “Yes!” (Recorded by at-Tirmidhi. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Riyad us-Salihin no. 893).
There indeed a great reward for shaking hands with a Muslim brother (or a woman with her Muslim sister). Al-Bara Bin Azib reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Never would two Muslims meet and shake hands but they are forgiven even before they separate.” (Recorded by Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 525).)
Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“When one of you reaches an assembly (of Muslims), let him give them salam. When he wishes to depart, let him give them salam as well. Indeed, the first (salam) is not more rightful than the last.” (Recorded by Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 183).)
By Muhammad Mustafa Al-Jibali
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