CHAPTER 6: THE HADITH ABOUT UMM ZAR (1)
Chatting with One’s Spouse
The following hadith is the outcome of a chat that took place between the Prophet (pbuh) and his Wife ‘A’ishah. It is a good example of the private discussions that took place between a man and his wife. It tells about eleven women who got together, each of them briefly describing her husband’s character to the other women.
Most reports of this hadith present the story of the eleven women as being narrated by ‘A’ishah and not by the Prophet (pbuh). However, some reports explicitly indicate that it was the Prophet (pbuh) who told it to her.(See the discussion in Fath ul-Bari no. 5189.)
Also, some scholars hold the position that the whole story is fictitious and was mentioned for the sake of the lessons that it carries. Others hold the more correct position that it is a true story that did take place during the time of Jahiliyyah. This is explicitly mentioned in some of the reports, such as the one presented below.
‘A’ishah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said to her:
‘O A’ishah! I am to you like Abu Zar was to Umm Zar.’ (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim and others.)
She inquired, “And who is Umm Zar, O Allah’s Messenger?” He replied:
‘Eleven women got together during the times of Jahiliyyah. They promised to tell each other the truth, and not to hide anything about their husbands.’
It is clear that those women were not Muslim, and it is therefore not surprising that they would violate some of the well-known teachings of Islam, such as backbiting their husbands. Yet, their discussions bring to light many qualities that women like or dislike in their husbands.
Disliked Qualities
The first few women said things about their husbands, indicating their dissatisfaction with them.
Miserliness and Arrogance
The first woman described her husband as being worthless, stingy, and arrogant. The Prophet (pbuh) continued his story:
‘The first woman said, “My husband is (like) a bony camel’s meat at the top of a rough mountain. Neither is it easy to reach, nor meaty to desire acquiring.” ‘
Thus, he is as worthless and miserly as a bony camel with very little meat, hence of trivial value. Furthermore, he is haughty, unfriendly, and unapproachable, as though he is located at the top of a rough mountain. No one would be interested in going to him, nor bringing him for any kind of benefit.
Numerous Apparent and Hidden Problems
The second woman indicated that her husband possessed numerous defects – both apparent and hidden. The Prophet (pbuh) continued his story:
‘The second woman said, “As for my husband, I cannot expose his secrets (fearing divorce). (If I start talking about him,) I fear that I will not be able to stop (because of his numerous shortcomings). And if I were to talk about him, I would mention the swelling in his neck-veins (i.e., arrogance, unfriendliness, and other apparent defects) and the swelling in his stomach and navel (i.e., many hidden defects).”’
In addition to his numerous defects, this man did not like criticism and was ready to divorce his wife if she would utter anything about his problems.
Excessiveness and Unimpressiveness
The third woman described her husband as being unimpressively out of proportion in his qualities (bodily, morally, or both). The Prophet (pbuh) continued his story:
‘The third woman said, “My husband is the one who is unreasonably tall (i.e, unimpressive). If I utter a word (about his defects, and he finds out), I will surely be divorced. And if I remain silent, I will be suspended (i.e., he neither treats me like a wife nor like a divorcee).”’
Selfishness, Greed, and Negligence
The fourth woman described her husband as being very greedy. He eats and drinks, to the last bit, everything in front of him. He sleeps like a log, without caring about her, fulfilling his marital duty toward her or investigating her situation and checking about her health The Prophet (pbuh) continued his story:
‘The fourth woman said, “As for my husband, when he eats he encompasses (i.e., devours everything; when he drinks he finishes even the last drops; and when he sleeps he coils up in the covers (i.e., not caring about me). He does not extend his palm to
investigate the grief (i.e„ he does not have any concern about my situations of illness, sorrow, and so on).”’
Helplessness, Stupidity, and Abuse
The fifth woman’s husband lacks all of the important qualities that would make a woman admire her husband. The Prophet (pbuh) continued his story:
‘The fifth woman said, ‘’My husband is extremely helpless (i.e., incapable and impotent) and stupid. Every disease applies to him. He would either cut your head, break one of your limbs, or do both to you (i.e., he hits the women without mercy).”’
He is helpless in conducting hers and his affairs, impotent and unable to please his wife, and stupid. All of the people’s defects are combined in him. And, as though that is not enough, he is very abusive towards his wife. He hits her without mercy, breaking her bones or wounding her head.
Commendable Qualities
The next five women had good qualities to say about their husbands.
Kindness, Security, and Caring
The sixth woman’s husband is like a cool night breeze. The Prophet (pbuh) continued his story:
‘The sixth woman said, “As for my husband, he is like the night of Tihamah (Makkah and its suburbs) — neither hot nor cold. (In his company) there is neither fear nor boredom.”’
He is kind and moderate in his actions, and his company does not bring fear or boredom. Rather, it gives her a feeling of security and friendliness.
Love, Generosity, and Courage
The seventh woman’s husband is well mannered and loving at home, and courageous and powerful outside his home. The Prophet (pbuh) continued his story:
‘The seventh woman said, “As for my husband, when he enters, he acts like a (sleepy) leopard; and when he leaves, he acts like a lion. He does not ask about what he entrusted.”’
Within the house, he is like a leopard: quiet, sleepy (i.e., forgiving), and loving. In dealing with the outside society, he is like a lion: courageous, powerful, and respected. When he entrusts his wife (or others) with something, he does not hold her strictly accountable for it; rather, he is generous and willing to overlook the mistakes.
By Muhammad Mustafa al-Jibaly
Comments
John Doe
23/3/2019Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
John Doe
23/3/2019Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
John Doe
23/3/2019Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.