CHAPTER 5: WOMEN – PART 4
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was kind to the families of his Companions after their death:
Anas ibn Maalik narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not enter the house of any woman except that of his wives and that of Umm Sulaym whom he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to visit. Once he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was asked as to why this was the case, whereupon he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “I feel great pity for her. Her brother was killed while he was fighting with me.”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (2844) and Muslim (2455).)
Umm Sulaym was the mother of Anas ibn Maalik. Her name was Umm Sulaym bint Milhaan Al-Ansaariyyah. She was better known by her nickname Ar-Rumaysaa’. Her brother was Haraam ibn Milhaan who was killed during the battle of Bi’r Ma’oonah.
It is recommended to be kind to and look after the affairs of the families of one’s brothers and old friends after their death. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, our leading example, was kind to Umm Sulaym and visited her because her brother was killed while he was with him, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, considered kindness and compassion towards her as loyalty towards her brother and maintaining ties with him after his death. (Fat-h Al-Baari (461/8).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to instruct their husbands about matters that harmed them:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “Once Khuwaylah bint Hakim came to visit me, and she was married to ‘Uthmaan ibn Math’oon. When the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, saw how shabby she looked, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “O ‘Aa’ishah, Khuwaylah looks very shabby.” I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, she is a woman (as if she was) without a husband. Her husband always fasts during the day and stays up all night in prayer. She is like a woman who has no husband, and thus she refrains from taking care of her looks.’
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, sent someone to call ‘Uthmaan ibn Math’oon, and he came. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “O ‘Uthmaan, did you give up my traditions?” He replied: ‘No, O Messenger of Allah, I swear by Allah it is your tradition that I always try to practice.’
Thereupon he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “I sleep and get up at night to pray; I fast some days and other days I refrain from fasting; and I take pleasure in my wives. Fear Allah O ‘Uthmaan, your wife has a right upon you, your guests have a right upon you; and your body has a right upon you. Fast some days and refrain from fasting other days. Get up for the night prayer some nights, and rest other nights.” (Reported by Abu Dawood (1369) and Ahmad (25776).)
Al-Khattaabi said: “The term: “Your wife has a right upon you” means that if he were to exhaust himself he would weaken his strength, and he would therefore be unable to fulfill the (sexual) needs of his wife. The term: “Your guests have a right upon you” means that if someone is fasting an optional fast, and he receives a guest, then it is recommended for him to break his fast and sit with his guest and eat with him, so that his friend would feel welcomed and rejoice. This is part of being hospitable to him, and would consequently strengthen the bond of friendship.”(‘Awn Al-Ma’bud (170/4).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, never forgot a favour conferred to him by women:
‘Imraan ibn Husayn (a Companion) narrated: “I was with the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, on a journey. We travelled the whole night, and when dawn was about to break, we stopped to rest for a while, and were overpowered (by sleep) until the sun shone […] People complained to him about their thirst due to the lack of water. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, then urged me and ‘Ali ibn Abu Taalib (a Companion and the Prophet’s cousin) to go ahead immediately to search for water.
We were travelling when we came across a woman who was sitting (on a camel) with her feet hanging over two leather water bags. We asked her, ‘How far away is water available?’ She said: ‘Far, very far, very far. You cannot get water.’ We (again) asked: ‘What is the distance between (the residence of) your family and water?’ She said: ‘It is the journey of a day and night.’
We said to her: ‘Come with us’ She said: ‘Where to?’ We replied: ‘To the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam’. She said: ‘Who is the Messenger of Allah?’
Somehow, we managed to bring her to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who asked about her, and she informed him as she had informed us that she was a widow with orphan children. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ordered that her camel should be made to kneel down and he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, drank from the opening (of her leathern water-bag), and people were called to drink. The camel was then raised up and forty thirsty men drank water till we were completely satisfied, and we filled up all leathern water-bags and water-skins that we had with us, but we did not make any camel drink, and the leathern water-bags were so full that they were about to burst (on account of excess of water). The last thing he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did was to give water to the person who had the ritual impurity and said to him: “Use this to bathe [i.e. purify yourself from the ritual impurity].”
The woman was standing aside watching with astonishment what the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was doing with her water container. I swear by Allah, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, left the container and it appeared to us as if the container was even fuller than before we started using it.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, then said to us: “Bring whatever foodstuff you have with you for her.” So we collected the bits of pieces of bread, dates and wheat and packed them up in a bundle and placed it on her camel. Then he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to her: “Take it away. This is meant for your children, and know that we have not done any loss to your water. Rather, Allah is The One Who provided us with water.”
When she came to her family, and she was late, they asked her, ‘What took you so long?’ She said: ‘I have met the greatest magician amongst human beings. If not, then he is indeed a Messenger (of Allah) as he claims to be.’ She then narrated what had happened.
The Muslims used to invade the areas around her tribe but stay away from their territory. One day she said to her people, ‘These people are intentionally staying away from our territory, so why don’t we embrace Islam?’ Her people obeyed her and Allah guided aright those people through that woman. She affirmed her faith in Islam and so did her people.”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (344) and Muslim (682).)
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not forget the favour conferred upon him by the woman by giving them her water-skin to drink from. In return, he gave her food and stayed away from her tribe’s territory as a way of paying her favour back.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would correct their mistakes gently:
Anas ibn Maalik narrated: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, passed by a woman who was crying by the grave of one of her children, so the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to her: ‘Be conscious of Allah and practice patience.’ (In the narration of Abu Nu`aym: “O female slave of Allah, fear Allah.” Al-Qurtubi said: “It is
apparent that her crying had too much wailing or something else [forbidden], which is why the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ordered her to fear Allah.” Fat-h Al-Baari (3/149).) She responded by saying: ‘Go away from me, you have not been through what I have been through,’ but she did not know that she was speaking to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
Afterwards, the woman was told: ‘That was the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, (that was speaking to you).’ (In another narration that Al-Bukhari reported (7154), it states, “A man passed by her and said: ‘That was Allah’s Messenger,’ she said back, ‘I did not know it was him.’” Muslim’s version adds, “She was==stricken as one would be at the calamity of death.” Meaning, when she knew that it was the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, she had said that to, out of shyness from and awe towards him.)
So she went to the house of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and did not see any guards at his door(The benefit of this sentence is that when she was told it was the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, she felt fear and awe in her heart, and she pictured that he was like other kings and had a doorkeeper who prevented people from reaching him. However, she found that the reality was the complete opposite of what she had initially pictured. Fat-h Al-Baari (3/149). ), and she said to him: ‘I did not know it was you.’ The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied: ‘Patience is [accepted] only at the first shock of the calamity.’”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (1283) and Muslim (926).)
Ibn Hajar (a scholar) said: “The term: “Patience is [accepted] only at the first shock of the calamity.” means that praiseworthy patience which one would be rewarded for is that which one practices at the first stroke of the calamity, contrary to patience that one practices after several days, because as days pass, the severity of the hardship fades away anyhow. The benefit of replying to her improper reaction was to let her know that reward only happens when patience is practised at the first stroke.”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (1283) and Muslim (926).)
Ibn Hajar (a scholar) said: “The term: “Patience is [accepted] only at the first shock of the calamity.” means that praiseworthy patience which one would be rewarded for is that which one practices at the first stroke of the calamity, contrary to patience that one practices after several days, because as days pass, the severity of the hardship fades away anyhow. The benefit of replying to her improper reaction was to let her know that reward only happens when patience is practised at the first stroke.”(Fat-h Al-Baari (150/3).)
Al-Khateeb Ad-Dimashqi (a scholar) said: “The term: “Be conscious of Allah and practice patience.” shows that the woman was crying more than she should, because normal crying is not disliked in Islam. The answer which the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave her, which was not directly related to her words, is a wise way of addressing the matter by directing her attention to the most important part of the issue and which is worthier to be answered.”(Al-Eedhaah Fi ‘Uloom Al-Balaaghah (110/2).)
It was as if the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was telling her that he was not upset for her improper reaction, as he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, only got upset regarding matters related to the religion of Allah, and that she should think about what is more important.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, forbade men from hitting women:
Iyaas ibn ‘Abdullaah ibn Abu Thubaab narrated: The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens [i.e. women]”, but when ‘Umar came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and said: ‘Women have become emboldened towards their husbands.’ He (i.e. the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) gave permission to discipline them (within what is permitted Islamically). Then many women came round the family of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, complaining against their husbands (that they beat them). So the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Many women have gone round Muhammad’s family complaining against their husbands. They [i.e. those who beat their wives] are not the best among you.”(Reported by Abu Dawood (2146) and Ibn Majah (1985).)
Al-’Atheem Abaadi (a scholar) said: “Meaning, these men who beat their wives are not the best amongst you, rather the best are those who do not beat them and tolerate the shortcomings of their wives. Tolerating the misbehaviour of the wife and enduring this patiently and refraining from beating them is indeed much better and kinder.”(Awn Al-Ma’bud (160/6).)
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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