CHAPTER 5: CELEBRATING THE MARRIAGE (2)
Dancing
We saw above that the Prophet (pbuh) permitted lahw for women during a wedding. Lahw includes beating the duff and singing, and may also include dancing. This dancing, however, is merely a slight and innocent swaying of the body to the beats of the duff, and is nothing like the lewd or seductive dancing that is often done nowadays in weddings.
Giving Gifts
Giving gifts is a good practice on all occasions. Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Exchange gifts: this will bring love among you.” (Recorded by Abu Ya’la, al-BayhaqT and al-Bukhari in al-Adab ul-Mufrad. Verified to be hasan by al-Albanl (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1601).)
Gifts may be given to the married couple, keeping in mind the following considerations:
-They should not be given with extravagance or for show-off.
-They should not be viewed as a mandatory practice associated with the occasion — such as holding a bridal shower in which the attendees are required to bring gifts for the bride.
-The gifts should be permissible in Islam. They should not include statues, musical instruments, or other prohibited items.
With these guidelines, and with careful selection, wedding gifts can be very helpful to the newlyweds in building their new home.
Anas Bin Malik reported that when the Prophet (pbuh) married Zaynab, Umm Sulaym (Anas’s mother.) told Anas, “Let us give a present to Allah’s Messenger (pbuh).” Anas agreed, “Yes, do.” So she brought dates, butter, and dried yogurt, put them in a pot, and turned them into a smooth mixture (called haysah or hays). When Anas took the pot to the Prophet (pbuh), the Prophet (pbuh) told him to set it down and then go and invite a certain number of men, as well as anyone whom he met along the way. Anas did as he was commanded, and by the time he was back he found the house overflowing with people. The Prophet (pbuh) put his hands over the haysah, read over it as much a Allah willed, then invited the people to eat in successive groups of ten, telling them:
“Utter Allah’s name, and let each man eat from his side.”
Thus, everyone present ate from that food. (Recorded by al-Bukharl, Muslim, and others.)
Avoiding Sinning During the Wedding Celebration
Important Warning
Sinning and disobedience to Allah (swt) is frequently practiced by Muslims during wedding celebrations. Many of them presume that the wedding is an occasion for abandoning some of the Islamic principles.
In this section, we highlight a few such acts of disobedience, and call upon all Muslims to adamantly avoid them in their weddings, and to avoid weddings that have them.
We especially remind the newlyweds and their families that the wedding marks the beginning of a new life for the couple. Therefore, all measures should be taken to embark on it in the best manner: acting in obedience to the Lord (pbuh) and hoping for His forgiveness and blessing. They should all strive to avoid sinful acts that may deprive them from Allah’s blessing and make them liable to His severe punishment.
Avoiding Un-Islamic Appearance
In dressing up for a wedding, Muslims should take into consideration the following guidelines:
-They should avoid removing the hair that we are commanded to spare: they should avoid plucking their eyebrows, and men should avoid shaving or closely trimming their beard.
-They should avoid copying styles of the non-Muslims and the corrupt — such as hairdos or clothing styles of actresses, singers, dancers, etc.
-Women may only wear perfume if they will be in the company of other women or with their own mahrams. Wearing it in the presence of non-mahrams constitutes a great sin. Abu Musa al-Ash’arireported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Any woman who wears perfume and passes by men who would smell her perfume is an adulteress.” (Recorded by Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 2701 and al-Mishkat no. 1023).)
-Women should avoid makeup. In addition to being an imitation of the nonbelievers, this harms the skin and demonstrates an alteration to Allah’s creation. The same is true about growing the nails and painting them with nail-polish.
It is permissible, however, to use natural kuhl (antimony) as eyeliner. This was practiced by the sahabah, and ‘Ali reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Use antimony: it helps the (eyelash) hair grow, removes eye-impurities, and clears the eyesight.” (Recorded by at-Tabarani, Abu Nu’aym, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 665))
It is also permissible to use hinna (commonly, women apply it to the hands and feet). Hinna is a reddish-orange cosmetic produced from the leaves and stalks of the hinna plant. Salma, a female servant of the Prophet (pbuh), reported:
“Never did a wound afflict the Prophet (pbuh) or a thorn prick him but that he put hinna on it.” (Recorded by at-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 2059 and al-Mishkat no. 4)
-Muslims should avoid tattooing and body-piercing. These are strongly prohibited in Islam. They are clearly from the dictates of Satan, and have only been popularized by the corrupt people in recent years.
-They should maintain a balance between elegance and moderation —never wearing clothing and adornment that reach the level of excessiveness or extravagance. They should keep in mind that the thousands that they may spend on a one-night’s dress or pair of shoes may be desperately needed for saving the lives of starving Muslims in other parts of the world.
-They should avoid wearing clothing and adornment with the intention of boasting and showing-off.
-Their clothes should entirely cover the ‘awrah and conceal its shape. The extent of ‘awrah is provided in the following table:
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Examples of violations to covering the ‘awrah: men wearing shorts or tight pants; women exposing to non-mahrams their head or arms, or wearing tight, transparent, or flashy clothes; women exposing to other women their thighs, armpits, or part of their bosom.
-They should avoid wearing clothing that is specific to the opposite sex — such as women wearing masculine styles, or men wearing natural silk, gold jewelry, bracelets, necklaces, neck-chains, etc.
Avoiding Un-Islamic Practices
Muslims should keep their wedding aloof from many of the un- Islamic practices. In particular:
-They should avoid mingling between women and men who are not their mahrams, because it leads to various sinful acts, such
* Touching, hugging, or shaking hands with each other.
* Chatting, laughing, or flirting with each other.
* Exchanging looks and stares with one another.
* Admitting the bridegroom, sometimes accompanied by other men, into the women’s section of the wedding in order to meet his bride and kiss her in front of a large number of women, many of them improperly dressed.
– They should avoid spending extravagantly or turning the wedding into an arena for show-off — thereby wasting money on things that are of no benefit for the Muslims, such as:
* Holding the wedding in an expensive hotel or ballroom where lavish foods are served and many violations to Islam are committed.
* Distributing to the attendees expensive artifacts filled with sweets, or throwing silver or golden coins for the “lucky” people to catch.
* The bride wearing a very expensive wedding gown that usually exposes much of her ‘awrah.
– They should avoid other sinful acts that are characteristic of unIslamic wedding celebration, such as:
– Having un-Islamically dressed waitresses provide the service.
– Playing music, often combined with suggestive singing and lewd dancing.
– Offering alcoholic beverages. Ibn Umar reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day may not sit at a table on which khamr is circulated.” (Recorded by Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1949). )
* The newlywed couple wearing wedding rings to indicate their new “married” status — a practice that has absolutely no basis in Islam.
– They should avoid undermining Islamic rites and rituals, such as:
* Missing a prayer or refraining from praying it in jama’ah.
* Holding the wedding until a late hour, causing attendees to miss the fajr prayer.
Avoiding Taking Pictures
Avoiding Taking Pictures
A Muslim should not take a picture or help in taking it unless it fulfills a need that cannot be fulfilled otherwise.
‘A’ishah reported that the Prophet (pbuh) once saw in her house a curtain with pictures, so his face showed anger and he said:
“Indeed, those who make these pictures will be tortured on the Day of Resurrection and will be told, “Give life to what you have created.” ”
So she removed the curtain, cut it, and made pillows with it. (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
Ibn Mas’ud reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Indeed, the people who will receive the most severe punishment on the Day of Resurrection are those who make pictures.” (Recorded by Muslim, Ahmad, and others.)
Abu Talhah, ‘Ali, and others reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Indeed, the angels do not enter a house in which there is a dog or a pictures ” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
These hadiths are applicable to all forms of pictures of living beings that have souls, even if they are fictitious — whether the pictures are two or three-dimensional, and whether they are paintings or photographs.
A common modern practice during wedding celebrations is taking a large number of pictures and video clips of the newlywed couple and their relatives and friends. Those pictures usually show various acts of disobedience to Allah (swt), such as women exposing their heads and other parts of their bodies and making various poses with men who are not their mahrams. Thus, in addition to taking pictures for which there is no necessity or need, the pictures reflect many instances of sinning and disobedience. They “freeze” the people’s sinning for them and others to see and remember for many years to come — which adds to their balance of evil deeds on Judgment Day.
By Muhammad Mustafa Al-Jibali
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