CHAPTER 5: CELEBRATING THE MARRIAGE(1)
Publicizing the Marriage
A marriage contract marks the beginning of a new relationship between a man and woman who had until recently been strangers. Subsequently, the married couple may be seen together in public and, if the marriage was not publicized, some people might have ill thoughts about them. Because of this, it is important to make the marriage as public as possible — without going into extravagance and excessiveness.
‘Abdullah Bin az-Zubayr reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Announce the marriages.” (Recorded by Ahmad, Ibn Hibban, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 183))
And as-Sai’b Bin Yazid reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Publicize the marriage and announce.” (Recorded by at-Tabarani (in al-Kabir) and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani ((Sahih ul-Jami no. 1010, 1011 & as-Sahihah no. 1463).))
Habbar Bin al-Aswad reported that he gave one of his daughters in marriage. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) heard the sound (of the wedding celebration) and inquired about it. He was told that Habbar married his daughter. So the Prophet (pbuh) said approvingly:
“Publicize the marriage, publicize the marriage. This is a marriage, not fornication” (Recorded by Ibn Mandah. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 1463).)
Publicizing a marriage is commonly done in the wedding, which includes various acts of celebration, such as singing and rejoicing among the women, and a wedding banquet called the walimah. In this chapter, we discuss acts of marriage celebration that are permitted in Islam, and warn against impermissible acts. However, we postpone the discussion of the walimah to the next chapter.
Supplication
It is recommended to invoke blessings and prosperity for the married couple. Jabir reported that the Messenger (pbuh) said to him at his wedding:
“Barak Allahu lak — May Allah bless (your wife and marriage) for you.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others. A more complete version of this hadith was cited in Chapter 2.)
Buraydah Bin al-Hasib reported that a group of al-Ansar told ‘Ali, “Why don’t you consider Fatimah (for marriage)?” Acting upon their advice, he went to the Prophet (S) who asked him, “What does the son of Abu Talib need?” He replied, “O Allah’s Messenger! I came in regard to Fatimah the daughter of Allah’s Messenger.” The Messenger(pbuh) replied, “Marhaban wa-ahlan — Welcome, and a family member,”(These two words are commonly used to welcome a guest. The first literally means, “Your presence is a cause of ease and vastness.” The second means, “You are like a member of the family.”) and he said no more. ‘Ali went back to that group of Ansar who were waiting for him. They asked him, “What do you bring?” He said, “I do not know, except that he said to me, ‘marhaban wa-ahlan:” They said. “Just one of these two words would suffice you from Allah’s Messenger (pbuh); he offered you the ‘family’ and ‘vastness’.” Later on, after the Prophet (pbuh) married Fatimah to ‘Ali, he told him:
“Indeed, a wedding (or a newlywed) must have a walimah”
So one man said, “I will bring a ram,” and another man said, “I will bring some corn.” Then, on the wedding night, the Prophet (pbuh) told ‘Ali, “Do not do anything until you meet me.” So the Prophet (pbuh) went over to ‘Ali, asked for some water, performed wudu with it, poured it over ‘Ali, and said:
“O Allah, bless them and bless their wedding for them.” (Recorded by Ibn Sa’d, at-Tabarani, and Ibn ‘Asakir. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 173-1)
‘A’ishah reported that when it was her wedding night, her mother took her to the Prophet’s (pbuh) house, and she was welcomed by some women from al-Ansar who congratulated her, saying:
“(May your marriage be) good and blessed, and may you have the best fortune.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (pbuh) would say to a newlywed:
“Barak Allahu lak, wa-baraka ‘ilayk, wa-jama’a baynakuma fi khayr —May Allah bless for you (your spouse), make you blessed, and join you two in prosperity.” (Recorded by Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Adah uz-Zifaf p. 175).)
Singing and Beating the Duff
Prohibition of Music
As a general rule, music is prohibited in Islam. This rule is supported by authentic texts and by the consensus of the early Udama of Islam, including the Four Imams.
Abu Malik al-Ash’ari reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Among my Ummah will be those who will Indulge in hir ( Adultery and fornication.), silk (Wearing natural silk is prohibited for men.) , alcohol, and musical instruments. Some of those people will camp beside a mountain. A poor shepherd (tending their cattle) will come in the evening with their cattle, and will ask them for some (financial) help. They will say (to avoid helping him), “Come back tomorrow.” So Allah will destroy most of them during the night, bringing the mountain down over them, and will transform the rest to apes and pigs until the Day of Resurrection.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari (Fath ul-Bari no. 5590), Ibn Hibban, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Safiih ul-Jami no. 5466 & as-Sahihah no. 91). )
And Anas, ‘Imran, and others reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Some people of this Ummah will be punished by earth-collapse, stoning, and metamorphosis. This will happen when they drink khamr, keep female singers, and play on musical instruments.” (Recorded by Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 5467 & as-Sahihah no. 2203).)
One instrument is excluded from the prohibition of musical instruments: the duff, which is similar to a tambourine, but without bells or rings. Its exclusion applies to three situations only:
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(We discuss (a) and (c) in our book, “Festivals & Celebrations in Islam”.)
Furthermore, all reports in the Sunnah about the duff indicate that only women and children beat it. Thus, today’s practice during weddings where men sing, play music, and dance is in discord with the Sunnah. A man should loathe to do such effeminate acts.
Therefore, we conclude:
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Beating the Duff and Singing in Weddings
Singing accompanied by the beating of duff is an approved practice of celebration FOR WOMEN during a wedding.
Abu Balj Yahya Bin Salim reported that he said to Muhammad Bin Hatib, “In neither of my two weddings was there a sound (of singing).” Muhammad then told him that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“The distinction between the lawful (i.e. marriage) and the prohibited (i.e., adultery) is the beating of duff and the sound (of singing) at a wedding.” (Recorded by an-Nasai, at-Tirmidhi, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 183, Sahih ul-Jami no. 4206, Irwa ul-Ghalil no. 1994).)
‘A’ishah reported that she prepared a bride for her wedding to a man from the Ansar. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“O A’ishah, did you not have some lahw (singing and dancing)? Indeed, the Ansar like lahw.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari and others.)
What to Sing
Singing should be done using simple and innocent wording, avoiding corrupt songs that call to sinning and disobedience. It is important to note that singing in those days was a mere recitation of poetry accompanied by periodic beating of the duff. It did not follow musical notes, nor did it contain lewd words or seductive body-actions.
In another report from ‘A’ishah, the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Shouldn’t you have sent with the bride a little girl to beat on the duff and sing?”
‘A’ishah asked, “What would she say?” He (pbuh) replied:
Say, “We came to you, we came to you.
So greet us, and we will greet you.
Had it not been for the red gold,
Your desert-land would not have been inhabited.
And had it not been for the dark grain,
Your virgin girls would not have gained weight.”
By Muhammad Mustafa Al-Jibali
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