CHAPTER 3: THE WIFE’S OBLIGATIONS (4)
SPENDING WITH HIS PERMISSION
A woman may not dispense any of her husband’s possessions without his permission or implicit consent (i.e., if she is sure that he would not mind) – not even charity. ‘Abdullah Bin ‘Amr reported Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said: ‘It is not permissible for a woman to give a donation unless her husband allows that.’ (Recorded by Abu Dawud. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 7626 & as-Sahihah no. 825).)
FOOD IS PART OF THE TRUST
Food is part of the woman’s trust that she should not dispense without her husband’s permission. Abu Umamah al-Bahili and others reported that the Messenger (pbuh) said in a speech during his Farewell Pilgrimage:
‘Allah has appointed for everyone his due right; thus no bequest may be made to a (standard) heir. And a woman may not spend anything from her house without her husband’s permission.’
Someone asked, “O Allah’s Messenger! Not even food?” He replied, ‘That is our best type of wealth.’ (Recorded by Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih Abu Dawud no. 3044).)
A Shared Reward
If a woman gives charity from her husband’s money, knowing that he would not object to that, she would get half of the reward and he the other half.
Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘When a woman gives charity from her husband’s earnings, without his instruction, he gets half of the reward. ‘ (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
And Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘It is not permissible for a woman to fast, while her husband is present, without his permission — except for Ramadan. Nor is it permissible for her to admit anyone to his house except with his permission. And whatever charity she gives without his instruction, she would receive half of its reward.’ (Recorded by al-Bukhari.)
‘A’ishah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘When a woman gives away (as charity) from her home’s food, without causing harm (to the family), she earns her reward because of her spending, and her husband earns his reward because he provided (the food).’ (Recorded by Abu Dawud and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 7625 & as-Sahihah no. 825).)
Wathilah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘It is not permissible for a woman to spend her money except with her husband’s permission’ (Recorded by Abu Dawud and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 7625 & as-Sahihah no. 825).)
Islam vs. un-Islamic Laws
An important note is due here concerning Muslims living in nonIslamic countries. Regardless of which one of the two spouses paid for a house or other major purchases, the laws of countries like the United States impose that the ownership is shared equally between the two spouses. This is unfair, and it is prohibited for anyone to take that which is not his own.
Thus, if a woman is given half of her husband’s property when he dies or if he divorces her, she should not think that she has a right for it. Rather, she must seek her true Islamic share and give up anything beyond that, remembering the Day when she will stand before Allah (swt) and He will judge justly between her and all those against whom she had transgressed.
Avoiding Pretense and False Claims
Women often like to show-off what they have or pretend owning things that they do not. This is a form of lying that is prohibited in Islam. A righteous woman is like a clear mirror that reflects a good picture.
Asma reported that a woman said, “O Allah’s Messenger, I have a co-wife. Is it wrong for me to pretend to have things other than what my husband gave me (to tease her)?” He (pbuh) replied:
‘A person who pretends to have that which he does not is like one who wears two garments of deceptions. ‘(Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Tending the Children
Tending the children is a shared responsibility between the two spouses. However, it is more emphasized for the wife because she normally spends more time with the children and is in position to exercise more supervision and guidance with them.
Raising Her Children According To Islam
Children are the greatest fruit of marriage. They are a standing demonstration of its success or failure. Guarding the children from all harm and raising them upon the good Islamic teaching is the only sure protection from Satan and the hellfire. Allah (swt) says:
“O you who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones. Appointed over it are angels who are harsh and severe. They do not disobey Allah in what he commands them but do what they are commanded.” (At-Tahrim 66:6.)
Tending her children is one of the woman’s greatest responsibilities. Fulfilling it brings pleasure and happiness to her heart and her husband’s. She should seriously handle this responsibility and never abandon it for the sake of earning some trivial money outside the home or watching some worthless shows on the television.
Breast-Feeding the Children
A woman has the obligation of breast feeding her children for up to two complete years. Allah (swt) says:
“Mothers should nurse their children for two complete years — for whoever desires to complete the nursing term.” (Al-Baqarah 2:233)
A woman may not forsake this important obligation unless she has … Islamically acceptable excuses, such as a genuine medical problem. Women who deny their children their nursing rights are liable to punishment in the grave and in the Hereafter.
Abu Umamah al-Bahili reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘While I was sleeping, two men (angels) came to me, held my upper arms, and took me to a rocky mountain. They said, “Climb.” I said, “I cannot climb it.” They said, “We will make it easy for you.”’
He (pbuh) continued:
‘We moved on until I saw people who were suspended from their Achilles’ tendons, their cheeks cut and gushing blood. I asked, “Who are these?” They replied, “These are the ones who break their fast before it is permissible.” ’
He (pbuh) continued:
‘We moved on until I saw people who were awfully swollen, and had the most foul stench and the most hideous appearance. I asked, “Who are these?” They replied, “These are the disbelievers who have died (on the battlefield).” ‘
He (pbuh) continued:
‘We moved on until I saw people who were awfully swollen, and had the most foul stench – their stench was like that of gutters. I asked, “Who are these?” They replied, “These are the male and female adulterers.”’
He (pbuh) continued:
‘We moved on until I saw women with snakes biting at their breasts. I asked, “What is wrong with these?” They replied, “These are the women who deny their children their milk.”’
He (pbuh) continued:
‘We moved on until I saw boys playing between two rivers. I asked, “Who are these?” They replied, ‘These are the believers’ offspring (who die before puberty).’ (Recorded by Ibn Khuzaymah (no. 1986), Ibn Hibban, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ut-Targhib no. 991).)
Conclusion
Every Muslim woman should seek to attain the qualities of a good wife by obeying Allah and His Messenger (pbuh) – a path that surely leads to paradise. Also, by implementing these qualities, her marriage will be full of happiness. The best advice to every Muslim woman is to avoid the ways of the non-Muslims. Instead of building the family upon religion, the non-Muslim build it upon desire. They ignore the basic differences between men and women and treat them as equals in every regard – which has resulted in broken families and shattered ties.
In islam, men and women have different roles. More “public” duties are assigned to men, while women have more influence on the internal affairs of the family and the raising of children – the society’s future citizens. Therefore, a Muslim woman should spend more time with her children than her husband does.
If families are not built on the foundation that Allah ordained, misery, hatred, dissension, and corruption will surely rule.
Allah will surely bless a marriage in which both the husband and wife obey Him and fulfill their obligations toward each other.
By Muhammad Mustafa al-Jibaly
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