CHAPTER 3: THE WIFE’S OBLIGATIONS (2)
The Best of Women
The best of women is the one who is good and kind to her husband. Abu Uthaynah as-Sadafi reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“The best of your women are those who are bearers of many children, loving (to their husbands), comforting, and tolerant — provided that they have taqwa of Allah.
And the worst of your women are those who display their charms and swagger in their walk — those are hypocrites indeed. None of them (the women) will enter Jannah except (as rarely) as are the crows that have red beaks and legs.” (Recorded by al-Bayhaqi (in as-Sunan) and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 3330 & as-Sahihah no. 1849). The last part of it (about the crow) is also recorded by Ahmad and others from Amr Bin al-’As and verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 1850). )
lbn ‘Abbas reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Should I not tell you of your men who will be in Jannah”! The prophets will be in Jannah; the siddiqs (most truthful) will be in Jannah; the shahids (martyrs) will be in Jannah; a baby (dying before puberty) will be in Jannah; and a man who visits his brother in a distant locality, visiting him only for the sake of Allah(swt).
As for your women who will be in Jannah, they include a woman who is loving toward her husband, who bears many children for him, and who shows him devoted attention; and when he becomes angry, she comes to him, puts her hand in his, and says, “I will not taste any sleep until you are happy.” (Recorded by Tammam ar-Razi, Ibn ‘Asakir, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 287).)
Prohibition of Harming the Husband
A woman who harms her husband receives curses from the women of Jannah. That is an indication of Allah’s displeasure with her. A woman who harms her husband receives curses from the women of Jannah. That is an indication of Allah’s displeasure with her.
Mu’ath Bin Jabal reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
Whenever a woman harms her (righteous) husband in the worldly life, his (future) wife from al-hur ulnt (the wide-eyed beauties of Jannah) says, “Do not harm him, may Allah fight you! He is only staying mporaril) with you, and will soon come to us.” “ (Recorded by Ahmad, at-Tirmidhi, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 7192 & as-Sahihah no. 173).)
Obeying the Husband
Indeed, obeying the husband is an obligation on the women in Islam; It is an act of worship that she presents to Allah(swt) alone, only seeking his pleasure and acceptance. We have seen numerous texts instructing the woman to obey her husband and cooperate well with him in maintaining the family. There are other texts that are even more explicit in this regard.
Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh):
‘When a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will be told (on the Day of Judgment), “Enter Jannah from any of its 8 gates.” ‘ (Recorded by Ibn Hibban. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 660 and Adab uz-Zafaf p. 286).)
Similarly, Anas, ‘Abd ur-Rahman az-Zuhri, and others reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘When a woman prays her five (prayers), fasts her month (Ramadhan), preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Jannah.’ (Recorded by al-Bazzar, Ahmad, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 661 and Adab uz-Zafaf p. 286).)
On the other hand, disobeying the husband is a great sin that could cause the prayers to be unacceptable by Allah. Ibn ‘Umar reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘There are two individuals whose prayer does not rise above their heads: a slave running away from his masters — until he returns to them, and a woman who disobeys her husband — until she returns (to obedience).’ (Recorded by al-Hakim and at-Tabarani. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 136 & as-Sahihah no. 288).)
Serving the Husband
Part of a wife’s obedience to her husband is to serve him to her best ability. That includes performing the daily chores, serving his food, and so on. We again cite the hadith reported by Mu‘ath Bin Jabal that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘If a woman knew her husband’s right, she would not sit while he is eating his dinner or supper until he finishes eating.’ (Recorded by at-Tabarani and al-Bazzar. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 5259).)
No woman is exempt from this responsibility — unless her husband elects to relieve her. Even a woman as noble as the Prophet’s (pbuh) daughter found herself responsible for that.
Ali reported that his wife Fatimah, the Prophet’s (pbuh) daughter, went to the Prophet (pbuh) complaining about the bad effect of the stone hand-mill on her hand. She did not find him, and left him a message with A‘ishah asking him to give her a maid from
among the captives that he had recently received. When ‘A’ishah told him of his daughter’s need, he went to her house, entered, and found her and him ready to go to sleep. Fatimah started to rise but he (pbuh) told her to stay in bed. He sat between them and said:
‘Shall I not direct you to something better than what you have requested? When you go to bed say, “Subhan Allah — exalted is Allah,” thirty-three times, “Al-hamdu lillah — all praise belongs to Allah,” thirty-three times, and, “Allahu Akbar —Allah is the Greatest,” thirty four times. Indeed, that is better for you than a servant.’ (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
Ibn Qayyim noted, “The wife’s serving of her husband is a matter about which there is no doubt. It is not correct to differentiate in this regard between a noble and a low class woman, or between a poor and a rich one. The most noble of all women (Fatimah) used to serve her husband. She came complaining to her father (pbuh) about the hardship she was facing in this regard, but he did not grant her her wish.” (Zad ul-Ma’ad 5:160.)
Guidelines for Obedience
There are some important guidelines that must be emphasized in regard to the subject of obedience. The following has mostly been presented in the previous sections or chapters, but we include it here for easy reference.
1. By obeying her husband, a woman would be obeying Allah (swt) because He required this from her.
2. The woman should obey her husband as long as obeying him is within her capacity.
3. The husband should only be obeyed in matters that do not involve disobeying Allah (swt).
Doing Things That Please Her Husband
As part of her kindness toward her husband, the woman should do her best to please him – making sure that what she does is not displeasing to Allah (swt).
Pleasing Him with Her Appearance
A good woman attempts to please her husband with her appearance. Abu Hurayrah reported that the Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘The best of women is that who pleases him (i.e. her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders, and does not subject her person or money to what he dislikes.’ (Recorded by Ahmad, an-Nasa’i, and al-Hakim. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 3298 & as-Sahihah no. 1838).)
It is important to emphasize here that “pleasing” the husband can only be in a way conforming with Allah, which means that she would not appear or act in a way displeasing to Allah. The highest form of “pleasing” is realized by being a model practising Muslim woman: her hijab, modesty, and virtue would all bring great joy and pleasure into a true believer’s heart and soul.
Admitting People Only with His Permission
A woman should not allow anyone into her husband’s house without his consent. Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘It is not permissible for a woman to fast, while her husband is present, without his permission – except for Ramadan. Nor is it permissible for her to admit anyone to his house except with his permissions.’ (Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
The husband’s consent could be implicit. For instance, if a woman is certain that her husband does not object to some of the neighboring women visiting her, she does not have to ask him for a specific permission every time one of them comes to visit her.
Avoiding Asking for Divorce without Reason
A righteous woman would not ask her husband for divorce without a good reason. Only if she finds that he is causing her real harm in her faith or well-being would she be justified to seek divorce. The Prophet (pbuh) warned that the women who ask for divorce without a sound reason would be liable to punishment, and may not enter into Jannah. Thawban reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘Any woman who asks her husband for divorce without a (serious) reason, the fragrance of Jannah will be prohibited for her.’ (Recorded by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 2706 & Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 2035).)
Asking the husband for divorce demonstrates ungratefulness and undermines the husband’s authority and efforts toward his wife. It is a blow in his face that is not allowed in Islam without a valid excuse.
A Mother’s Advice to Her Daughter
The following is an advice from a Jahili mother to her daughter on her wedding day. It reflects a great and mature experience, and concisely puts in a nutshell the most important actions that a woman should consider in order to please her husband.
Umm Ayas Bint ‘Awf Bin Muslim ash-Shaybani was given in marriage to Amr Bin Hijr, the king of Kindah (A Yamani tribe). Shortly before her wedding, her mother Umamah Bint al-Harith took her aside and told her:
“O my daughter! If the advice were to be left off the virtuous and well-mannered, you would be in no need of advise. However, the advice reminds the forgetful and guides the wise. And if a woman were to forsake marriage because of her parents’ wealth or their fondness of her, you would be in least need for marriage. However, the women have been made for the men and for them were the men made.
O my daughter! You are now departing from the climate where you lived, and the nest where you grew, to an unfamiliar domicile and companion. By virtue of your husband’s custody, he is now a watcher and master over you. So be a maid to him, and he will surely be your servant. Be his earth (in submission), and he will be your sky (in protection). Preserve for him ten qualities, and they will be a treasure for you:
1. Submit to him by showing contentment (in regard to what he gives you).
2. Listen to him and obey him in the best manner.
3. Guard where his eyes look, so that it will not fall on anything ugly from you.
4. Guard what his nose smells, so that he will not smell from you but the best aroma.
5. Respect his meal times, for the attack of hunger is a cause for rage.
6. Respect his sleep times, for the disturbance of sleep is a cause of annoyance.
7. Safeguard his wealth by employing good judgment.
8. Care for his children and servants by employing good planning.
9. Do not disobey any of his commands, for if you do. you would bring resentment into his breast.
10. Do not disclose any of his secrets, for if you do. you would not be secure from his revenge.
Furthermore, do not display joy when he is worried, nor sadness when he is happy, for this will breed hatred. And remember, my daughter, that the more you please him, the more he honors you. And remember that you will not attain what you desire from him unless you give preference to his likes over yours.” (Recorded in al-Aghani by al-Asbahani (partially included in Tuhfat ul-Arus, pp. 91-92)
Fulfilling the Husband’s Physical Desire
A Major Obligation
Chastity is a main objective of marriage. A man preserves his chastity by turning his lust toward his wife instead of directing it toward Prohibited outlets. It is therefore a great obligation upon the wife to be always willing to help her husband in venting his desire; and it is a major sin for her to deny her husband the intimate pleasure that he seeks with her.
‘Abdullah Bin Abi Awfa reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘By the One that Muhammad’s soul is in His hand a woman would not truly fulfill the right of her Lord (Allah) until she fulfills all of her husband’s right- even if he was to ask her for herself while she is in a camel’s saddle, she should not deny him that.’ (Recorded by Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p. 84).)
From the above hadith, we see that the wife should not hesitate in answering her husband’s call, even if that would cause an inconvenience. Similarly, Zayd Bin Arqam reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
When a man invites his wife to his bed, she should respond to him, even if she was sitting in a camel’s saddle.’ (Recorded by al-Bazzar and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 1203 & Sahih ul-Jami no. 533).)
Talq Bin ‘Ali reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
‘When a man invites his wife for his (sexual) need, she should go to him, even if she was working at the outdoor even.’ (Recorded by Ahmad, an-Nasa’i and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 1202 & Sahih ul-Jami no. 534).)
By Muhammad Mustafa al-Jibaly
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