CHAPTER 3: THE WIFE’S OBLIGATIONS (1)
The Great Right of the Husband
The Man’s Degree Over the Woman
Allah (swt) has appointed the man as the usual head of the family:
“Men are in charge of women by (right of) what (qualities) Allah has given one over the other and what they spend (in support) from their wealth. So , righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah) guarding in (their husband’s) absence what Allah commands them to guard (their husband’s honor, property, secrets, etc.) But those women from whom you fear defiance – first admonish them; then (if they persist), forsake them in bed; and (as a last they persist), forsake them in bed; and (as a last resort,) strike them. But if they obey you, seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Great. ”(An-Nisa’ 4:34.)
lbn Kathir commented on this, “The man is the woman’s custodian: he is her supervisor, chief, leader, and the one who corrects her if she deviates.”
This gives the man a major responsibility in running the family, and qualifies him for a number of rights – which should be rendered to him by the other family members and, above all, his wife. This is the “degree” or “edge” over the woman that Allah assigned to the man, as He (pbuh) says:
“And due to them (the wives) is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them (in responsibility and authority). Allah is Mighty and Wise. ” (Al-Baqarah 2: 228.)
It must be understood that this degree is a degree of responsibility before being a degree of homage. The man earns it by being truly worthy of the trust that Allah (swt) conferred on him, and loses it by neglecting this trust.
Submission to the Husband’s Authority
As we discussed above, Allah (swt) has divided the responsibilities and duties within the family, and has set the man as the one in authority.The woman should not reject or challenge that authority. Rather, she should accept it in fulfillment of Allah’s commands. She should view her submission to her husband’s authority as a submission to Allah’s decree. This submission should almost reach the degree of prostrating to her husband. ‘A’ishah, Abu Hurayrah, mu’ath, and Buraydah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Were I to order a person to prostrate before another person, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate before her husband.” (Recorded by at-Tirmidhi, Ahmad,al-Hakim, and Ibn Majah. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1998 and Sahih ul-Jami no.5239, 5294).)
As stated above, a woman’s obedience to her husband is part of her obedience to Allah (swt). Therefore, giving him his rights is part of fulfilling Allah’s rights. ‘Abdullah Bin Abi Awfa reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Were I to command a person to prostrate to someone other than Allah, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband. By the One in Whose hand is Muhammad’s soul, a woman would not fulfill her Lord’s right until she had completely fulfilled her husband’s right — even if he were to ask her for herself while she is riding on a camel, she should not refuse.” (Recorded by Ahmad, Ibn Majah and Ibn Hibban. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1998 and Sahih ul-Jami’ no. 5295).)
Absolute Willingness to Serve and Cooperate
The woman should demonstrate her acceptance of her husband’s authority by showing willingness to serve him to her best ability. Mu’ath Bin Jabal reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“If a woman knew her husband’s right, she would not sit while he is eating his dinner or supper until he finishes eating.” (Recorded by at-Tabarani and al-Bazzar. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami’ no. 5259).)
The Prophet (pbuh) expresses the woman’s absolute submission to her husband‘s authority in a hadith that may appear repulsive to some. Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“A husband’s right upon his wife is such that if he had an ulcer and she licked it for him, she would not fulfill his right by that. ”(Recorded by al-Hakim, Ibn Hibban and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 3148).)
Similarly, Anas reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“It is not permissible for a human being to prostrate to another human being. Were it permissible for a human being to prostrate to another human being, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband because of his great right upon her. By the one in whose hand is my soul, if he (the husband) had, from his feet to the top of his head, an ulcer oozing blood and pus, and she came to lick it off for him, she would not have fulfilled his right. “ (Recorded by Ahmad and an-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 7725).)
Is the Husband Better?
One may wonder, “What is so great about the husband that the woman is required to perform heroic or impossible acts to please him?” In answering this question, we have to understand the following principles:
1. The rights to the husband are necessary for the peaceful and productive running of the family.
2. The above hadiths refer to a man who fulfills all of his responsibilities as husband and family-head. He constantly offers to his wife and children guidance, protection, support, nurturing and so on. Neglecting any of that would proportionally reduce his rights upon his wife.
3. When the husband fulfills his responsibilities toward his wife as outlined above, he becomes a true benefactor who deserves her full gratitude and support.
Therefore, the husband’s rights do not necessarily mean that he is better than the wife. He is of no higher status or of a better species. Both of them descend from Adam, and Adam was made from dirt. Piety and righteousness are what determines who is truly better than the other. His rights are set by Allah to guarantee the well-being and success of their relationship and their family. Even though the wife is normally subordinate to her husband in the family structure, she may be far better than him in Allah’s sight, especially when she fulfills her obligation in a way that is pleasing to Allah(swt).
Kindness Toward the Husband
Part of a woman’s fulfillment of her husband’s rights is to treat him in a good and honorable way, and to avoid harming him.
Showing Gratitude
As we have discussed above, the husband normally has many favors upon his wife. These favors are not limited to the financial privilege which, even though it is usually true, is not always the case. A woman should show gratitude to her husband and should return his favors in the form of kindness and good treatment.
A great example is Khadijah, who was wealthier than the Prophet (pbuh). Her financial advantage, though, did not make her arrogant or ungrateful to her husband. Rather, she was a great example of modesty and kindness that the Prophet (pbuh) continued to remember all his life.
A woman who is reluctant to admit her husband’s favors displeases her Lord (swt), even before she displeases her husband. ‘Abdullah Bin ‘Amr reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Allah does not look (with mercy) at a woman who is not grateful to her husband when she cannot live without him.” (Recorded by an-Nasa’i (in al-Kubra) and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 289).)
Asma Bint Zayd reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) passed by her while she was with other young girls of her age. He addressed them saying, “Avoid the ingratitude of those who have been favored.” She asked him, “O Allah’s Messenger! What is the ingratitude of those who have been favored?” He (pbuh) explained:
“One of you might stay with her parents for a long time before (marriage). Allah would then grant her a righteous husband, and grant her children from him. She would then get angry for some reason and turn ungrateful, saying to him, “I have never seen any good from you.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari (in al-Adab ul-Mufrad). Ahmad, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 823).)
‘Abdullah Bin Umar, Abu Hurayrah, and Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said to the women:
“O women! Give charity and ask for Allah’s forgiveness abundantly, for I have seen you (women) to be the majority of the Fire’s people. (That is because) you frequently curse, and you are ungrateful to your husbands.
I have not seen ones with incomplete intellect and religion who are more overpowering to a man of reason than you are!
As for incomplete intellect: it is that two women’s testimonies equate one man’s. And as for incomplete religion: it is that she stays for a number of days without prayer, and she breaks her fast during Ramadan.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
The Woman’s Mental and Religious “Deficiencies”
It is important to note the following in regard to the above hadith:
1. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) described the woman as being mentalh deficient in comparison with the man. This should not be taken out of context. Her deficiency is derived from the fact that Allah (swt) requires two female witnesses in the place of one male, so that one of them would possibly remind the other if she forgets1. This “forgetting” is caused by the woman usually being more emotional than the man, and more involved in the household affairs and less in the affairs of the outside world. Thus, the Prophet’s (pbuh) statement is an expression of a clear difference between the man’s and woman’s natures. It emphasizes that, even though she is considered more emotional and less “intellectual”, and he is considered less emotional and more “intellectual”, she still can defeat him in his own arena!
2. Similarly, the woman’s description of being religiously deficient is explained by the fact that she does not pray or fast during her menses. Thus, it is again to indicate that, even though the man is supposedly in a stronger position of being religious because he prays and fasts more, the woman can still overpower him!
Kindness to the Husband Is an Act of Worship
The woman’s treatment of her husband could be her passport to Jannah (or to the hellfire).
Husayn Bin Mihsan reported that one of his paternal aunts visited the Prophet (pbuh). He asked her, “O woman, do you have a husband?” she replied, “Yes.” He asked, “How do you treat him?” She replied, “As much as I can, I do not deny him any request.” He (pbuh) said:
“Check then what is your position with him, because he is either your (way to) Jannah, or the Fire.” (Recorded by Ahmad, al-Hakim, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 1509).)
By Muhammad Mustafa al-Jibaly
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