CHAPTER 2: THE HUSBAND’S OBLIGATIONS (1)
The Woman’s Rights
Cultures Prior to Islam
In ancient nations and societies that deviated from the pure Revelation, the woman was considered a tradable commodity. In some cultures, she was even believed to be a filthy being from the making of Satan. This notion about women was present even in Jewish and Christian texts.
Similarly, the woman’s position was extremely degraded during Jahiliyyah. She was considered part of her father’s or husband’s property, and was transferred by inheritance like other parts of the estate. The Arabs regarded the birth of a baby girl a bad omen, and would often get rid of her by burying her alive.
The woman’s status and rights are only established in Allah’s fair guidance, which was brought by His messengers through the ages. After the alteration or obliteration of all of the previous messages Islam came to crown all of those messages with a most perfect guidance from Allah, leaving no detail untouched, and reestablishing the right position for the woman. She is not a lesser being that the man may humiliate and oppress at convenience. Rather, she is his counterpart. ‘A’ishah, Anas, and Umm Sulaym reported Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Indeed, the women are only full sisters of men.” (Recorded by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 1983,2333).)
The Woman’s Rights in Islam
The women’s rights are ordained by Allah, and no one may violate them for any reason. Al-Miqdam reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Indeed, Allah (swt) commands you to be good to the women; indeed, they are your mothers, daughters, and (maternal) aunts. Indeed, a man from the People of the Book would be married to a woman who can hardly know how to pull a string (from ignorance), and yet, neither of them would want to depart from his companion. “ (Recorded by at-Tabarani in al-Kabir. Initially verified to be weak by al-Albani. But he subsequently considered it hasan, as is noted by Zuhayr ash-Shawish in Daif ul-Jami’ no. 1763.)
The woman’s lesser Physical strength is not, by any means, a justification for the man to overstep her rights. Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“I strongly admonish you in regard to the rights of the two weak ones: the orphan and the woman.”(Recorded by Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 1015 & Sahih ul-Jami’ no. 2447).)
The Wife’s Rights in Islam
The wife’s rights on her husband are clearly ordained and strongly established in Islam. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) gave the following instruction to a number of his companions, including ‘Uthman Bin Mazun (Recorded by Ahmad and Abu Dawud. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 2015).) and ‘Abdullah Bin ‘Amr. (The full hadith is cited later in this chapter.)
“Your wife has a right upon you.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
‘Amr Bin al-Ahwas reported (The full hadith is cited p. 3.) that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Lo! you have rights on your women, and your women have rights on you.” (Recorded by at-Tirmidhi, an-Nasa’i, and Ibn Majah. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih ul-Jami no. 7880 & Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 2030).)
Fulfilling the wife’s rights is an indication of taqwa: revering Allah and fearing His punishment. It is a trust between the man and his Lord (swt), and He will question him about that trust. Jabir reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Have taqwa of Allah in regard to your women. Indeed, you took them (in marriage) through a trust with, and had access to their private parts by Allah’s word (permission). They have a right on you – that you provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner. “ (Recorded by Muslim and Abu Dawud as part of Jabir’s long hadith describing the Prophet’s (pbuh) Hajj.)
The woman has rights and obligations. Her rights must be fulfilled in a serious and fair manner. This is an important requirement in Islam; neglecting it constitutes a clear act of disobedience and threatens the well-being of the family and the Muslim society.
With this introduction, we go on to discuss some of the rights that are specifically related to the women in Islam.
Protection
An Important Obligation upon the Husband
Security and safety are most important for a human being. One needs to feel reasonably secure in order to function normally and perform one’s regular tasks.
The wife is usually the weaker of the two spouses, and looks to her husband for protection. Thus, one of the husband’s most important obligations is providing protection for his wife. This is part of his responsibility as leader of the family:
“Men are in charge of women by (right of) what (qualities) Allah has given one over the other and what they spend (in support) from their wealth.” (An-Nisa 4:34.)
This ayah shows that Allah gave leadership (or qawamah) to the man because of certain qualities that would normally enable him to conduct such a responsibility. A most important quality of a leader is his ability to protect his followers and provide for them an atmosphere of security and harmony.
Protection is a general term that covers physical, emotional and other forms of well-being. The husband must strive to protect his wife in all of those respects. Some details in this regard will be discussed in the subsequent sections.
GHAYRAH
As a demonstration of a man’s love toward his wife, he should have ghayrah for her. Ghayrah is the great concern about her well-being, and the zeal to protect her from anything that may harm her person, such as an evil touch, word, or look.
But ghayrah should not reach the point of distrusting and suspecting her without reason, nor should it be for the purpose of finding possible mistakes. Jabir Bin ‘Atik reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Indeed, there is a form of ghayrah that Allah loves, and a form that Allah hates. Ghayrah that Allah loves is that which is based on (valid) suspicion. And ghayrah that Allah hates is that which is without (valid) suspicion.” (Recorded by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and others. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 1999).)
A person without ghayrah is called dayyuth. A dayyuth is a person who has no sense of protection or honor regarding his wife. As we discussed in the second book of this series (See “Closer than a Garment” by the author.) , a dayyuth will not enter Jannah.
Avoiding Unnecessary Suspicion
As is indicated in the above sub-section, one should not nurture unjustifiable doubts about his wife, nor should he dig for mistakes for which he would then blame her.
For this reason, the Prophet (pbuh) prohibited a man from coming unexpectedly to his home – as though he is trying to catch his wife red-handed with something that he does not like. Jabir reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“When one of you is back from a long journey, he should not suddenly come to his family by night. “ (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others.)
Similarly, Anas reported:
“Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) never came to his families (after a journey) by night. He would either come to them during the morning or the afternoon.”(Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Safeguarding Her Secrets
It is greatly prohibited for a man to expose his wife’s secrets, especially in matters of privacy that no person would normally know except the husband, such as physical or emotional anomalies, reaction to some intimate acts, and so on.
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Indeed, among the people who will have the most grievous position before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who, after he privately approaches his wife and she privately approaches him, he exposes her secrets.” (Recorded by Muslim, Abu Dawud, and others.)
Exposing the wife’s secrets brings mistrust and fear into her heart and could be an indication of a man’s inclination toward being a dayyuth.
Financial Support
It Is Part of Being Responsible
One of the husband’s major responsibilities toward his wife and family is providing financial support. This responsibility is one of the important reasons for which Allah appointed the man as the head of the family:
“Men are in charge of women by (right of) what (qualities) Allah has given one over the other and what they spend (in support) from their wealth.” (An-Nisa 4:34.)
In Jabir’s hadith that we cited earlier, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“They (your women) have a right on you — that you provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner.” (Recorded by Muslim and Abu Dawud.)
It Should Be According to His Capability
The financial support required from the husband is in accordance with his financial capability. Allah (swt) says:
“Allah does not burden a person beyond his capacity. “ (Al-Baqarah 2:286.)
The husband is not required to give more than what he has, nor is he allowed to provide inadequate support when he can afford giving more. Allah (swt) says in regard to the women who get divorced before consummating the marriage:
“Give them (the divorced) compensation — the wealthy according to his capability, and the poor according to his capability — a provision according to what is reasonable, a duty upon the good-doers.” (Al-Baqarah 2:236.)
And Allah (swt) says in regard to supporting the divorced women during their ‘iddah (waiting period):
“Let,a man of wealth spend from his wealth; and as for him whose provision is restricted — let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not require from a soul except (according to) what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” (Al-Talaq 65:7.)
Self-Sufficiency
A man must seriously view his financial responsibility toward his wife and family. He should not look to others for help before he has exhausted all possible means of becoming independent and self-sufficient. Self-sufficiency brings a feeling of security and dignity to the whole family, and is therefore a goal that deserves earnest pursuit.
Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“By Allah, for one of you to go in the morning, collect firewood, carry it on his back, and sell it to suffice himself and give charity from it: that is better for him than going to a man and asking him — he either giving or denying him. That is because the upper (giving) hand is better than the lower (receiving) hand. And start (giving) to those for whom you are responsible.”
Someone asked, “For whom am I responsible, O Allah’s Messenger?’’ He (pbuh) replied:
“Your wife is of those for whom you are responsible, as well as your slave girl and your child.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others. The last portion is recorded by ad-Daraqutni and Ahmad (Irwa’ ul-Ghalil no. 834).)
It is unfortunate to observe that many Muslim men in the West rely strongly or solely on financial aid or public assistance – when they have the means of sufficing themselves, as in the above hadith. It is also pathetic to note that there are cases where a man would marry two or more wives and have them all live off public assistance while he conducts an irresponsible life, not performing his duty of supporting them, but rather, in some cases, taking the money that they thus earn and using it for his own purpose!
By Muhammad Mustafa al-Jibaly
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