CHAPTER 2: WIVES – JEALOUSY
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was wise when dealing with his wives’ jealousy:
Jealousy is a natural feeling that Allah The Almighty instilled in women by nature, as in the saying of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam: “Allah has decreed for women to be jealous.” (Reported by At-Tabaraani (10040) and others on the authority of Ibn Mas’ood.)
The wives of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, were no different, and they were jealous about him. The following is an example showing the jealousy of ‘Aa’ishah and how it led her to follow the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to see where he went.
‘Aa’ishah narrated:
“When it was my turn for the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to spend the night with me, he turned his side, put on his mantle and took off his shoes and placed them near his feet, and spread the corner of his shawl on his bed and then lay down till he thought that I had gone to sleep. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, took hold of his mantle slowly and put on the shoes slowly, and opened the door and went out and then closed it lightly.(The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, closed the door lightly lest he wakes her up, or disturb her sleep and then she would wake up after he was gone and become frightened for being all alone in the darkness of the night.) I covered my head, put on my veil and tightened my waist wrapper, and then went out following his steps until he reached the Baqi’ graveyard.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stood there and he stood for a long time. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, then lifted his hands three times, and then turned around (to return home) and I also turned around. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, quickened his steps and I also quickened my steps. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ran and I too ran. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, came (to the house) and I also came (to the house). I, however, preceded him and I entered (the house), and as I lay down in bed, he (the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) entered the (house), and
said: “Why is it, O ‘Aa’ishah, that you are out of breath?” I said: ‘There is nothing.’ He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Tell me or The Subtle and The All-Knowing would inform me.” I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be ransomed for you …’ and then I told him the whole story. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Were you that dark thing [your shadow] that I saw in front of me?” I said: ‘Yes.’ He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, struck me on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: “Did you think that Allah and His Messenger would deal unjustly with you?” (This question was asked because it would have been unjust if the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, went to one of his other wives while it is the turn of another.)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Gabriel [the angel] came to me when you saw me. He called me and he concealed it from you. I responded to his call, but I too concealed it from you [for he did not come to you], as you were not fully dressed. I thought that you had gone to sleep, and I did not like to awaken you, fearing that you may be frightened. He [Gabriel] said: ‘Your Lord has commanded you to go to the inhabitants of Baqee’ [to those lying in the graves] and beg pardon for them. I said: O Gabriel, how should I pray and beg forgiveness for them? He said: Say, Peace be
upon the inhabitants of this place [graveyard] from among the Believers and the Muslims, and may Allah have mercy upon those who have gone ahead of us, and those who come later on, and we shall, God willing, join you.”” (Reported by Muslim (974).)
‘Aa’ishah enjoyed a special status with the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and she knew her status very well, yet she was jealous regarding the rest of his wives. In fact, she was jealous of one of his wives who had died. She used to say, “I was never jealous of anyone as much as I was jealous of Khadeejah.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (3816) and Muslim (2435).)
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was wise in how he dealt with the jealousy of his wives:
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, never reacted to jealousy the way many men do these days when they notice their wives’ jealousy. Some men would rebuke their wives and command them not to ask him about what he does, and magnify the problem because of the way he reacts. This does nothing but increase jealousy in the heart of the wife and make the wife’s doubts go in all directions, all of which is the result of an improper reaction on the part of the husband and his lack of wisdom, which he must learn from the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would face jealousy with a smile and tolerance:
Anas narrated:
“While the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was in the house of one of his wives (‘Aa’ishah), one of the Mothers of the Believers (Some narrations say it was Umm Salamah, while other narrations say it was Zaynab bint Jahsh.) sent a meal in a dish. The wife at whose house the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was, struck the hand of the servant (out of jealousy), causing the dish to fall and break. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gathered the broken pieces of the dish and then started collecting on them the food which had been in the dish, smiled and said: “Your mother [my wife] felt jealous.” Then he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, delayed the servant till a (sound) dish was brought from the wife at whose house he was. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave the sound dish to (the servant to take back to) the wife whose dish had been broken and kept the broken one at the house where it had been broken.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (5235).)
This story reflects the kindness and tolerance of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, with his wives. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not rebuke her for breaking the dish, did not get angry at her, and nor did he say any harsh words to her. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, understood her jealousy. On the other hand, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not overlook the right of the one whose dish was broken and secured a replacement for what was ruined of her property.
Ibn Hajar said: “This story guides us to pardon women for their jealousy, because when they are in such a state, they may do things while their minds are blocked due to the anger resulting from jealousy.”(Fat-h Al-Baari (325/9).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would condemn any improper words resulting from jealousy:
`Aa’ishah said: “I said to the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam: ‘Such and such of Safiyyah is sufficient for you.’ (She meant to say that she was a woman with a short stature). He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “You have indeed uttered a word which would pollute the sea if it were mixed in it.””(Reported by Abu Dawood (4875) and At-Tirmidhi (2502).)
Al-Mubaarakpoori said: “Meaning, if this word of backbiting was a substance that can be mixed with the water of the sea, it would have polluted it despite its large amount (i.e. the water). If this is the case when mixed with something this huge, then how would the case be if it is mixed with man’s deeds that are much less than the size of the sea?”(Tuhfat Al-Ahwathi (177/7).)
Second aspect: Marital problems in the household of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and how he dealt with them:
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, lived a blessed joyful life with his wives, which was a practical implementation of the divine instruction mentioned in the verse (which means): «And live with them in kindness.» [Quran: 4:19]
However, no house is completely free from problems, even the blessed house of prophethood had occasional problems that arose. Since the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is our leading example, then problems had to happen in order for us to learn from him how to deal with marital problems and to react to them according to his guidance.
This is a very important issue for every husband, because the danger is not that problems take place since no house is free from having disputes, but the real danger is when wisdom is not applied when dealing with problems. This causes problems to magnify and couples desert each other and then divorce takes place.
How did the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, deal with marital problems and how did he solve them?
The Prophet’s household went through very difficult times, like the incident of Al-Ifk (the false allegation against his wife ‘Aa’ishah), the story when his wives asked for an increase in their allowances and the story of Maariyah when he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, made her forbidden upon himself. Let us mention each of these examples and see how the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, dealt with each one of them.
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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