CHAPTER 2: WIVES – PART 13
The incident when his wives asked for more material maintenance:
The following story illustrates how the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, dealt with the economic problems that form within a family, which stem from when a family member asks for more money.
Jaabir ibn `Abdullaah narrates this story, saying,
Abu Bakr approached the door of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, wanting to ask permission to enter. He found people sitting at the Prophet’s door, and none of them were given permission to enter. Abu Bakr was given permission and entered. Then, `Umar approached and asked for permission to enter, and was also granted permission to enter. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was
found sitting beside his wives, silent and speechless. He (Abu Bakr) said: ‘I will say something to make the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, laugh.’ He said: ‘O Allah’s Messenger! If only you had seen [Habeebah] the daughter of Khaarijah (the wife of Abu Bakr); she asked me for money, so I went up to her and poked her neck (with his hand or finger; this is meant in jest).’ After Abu Bakr said that, the Prophet began to laugh and said: ‘These women are around me, asking me for more money as well.’
At that moment, Abu Bakr went to `Aa’ishah and hit her on her neck, and `Umar went to Hafsah and hit her on her neck. Both of them said: ‘Are you asking Allah’s Messenger for something he does not possess?’ Then, Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stopped them (Abu Bakr and `Umar) [from hitting `Aa’ishah and Hafsah]. `Aa’ishah and Hafsah both replied, ‘By Allah, we do not ask Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, for anything that he does not possess.’ Then, the following verses were revealed (which means): «O Prophet (Muhammad)! Say to your wives: If you desire the life of this world, and its glitter, then come! I will
make a provision for you and set you free in a handsome manner [divorce]. But if you desire Allah and His Messenger, and the home of the Hereafter, then verily, Allah has prepared for good doers amongst you an enormous reward.» [Quran: 33:28-29]
So the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, began with `Aa’ishah saying to her: “O `Aa’ishah, I wish to open a discussion with you on a particular matter, and I would like that you do not be hasty in your decision and that you consult your father [before making a decision].” She said: ‘And what is that issue, O Allah’s Messenger?’ Then, the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, recited the verse to her, to
which she said: ‘Should I need to consult my father about you, O Allah’s Messenger? Surely, I choose Allah, His Messenger and the home of the Hereafter, and I also request that you do not tell any of your wives of what I have said.’ The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied to her: “If any of my wives ask me about it, I will tell them. Allah did not send me harsh [or someone who makes things difficult for others] or stubborn, but rather sent me as a teacher and as someone who makes things easy.” Then, the rest of the Prophet’s wives were given the same choice [that was mentioned in the verse], and all of them gave the same answer that `Aa’ishah gave.” (Reported by Muslim (1478).)
This story shows how the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, dealt with his wives when they asked for more material maintenance. In the beginning, he was silent and speechless, and did not give them any response, as Jaabir said: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was found sitting beside his wives, silent and speechless.”
This is the first method the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, took to solve this problem, to disregard and overlook the issue. The reason he chose this method is because in many marital disputes; conflict is not the solution, and arguing does not help, either. To the contrary, arguing might actually further complicate the issue.
The second method the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, took to solving this issue was that he gave them a choice. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave them the choice between remaining with him in the condition that he was in or leaving him. This is something that the Islamic Shariah teaches: a husband can give his wife a choice between staying with him or leaving him if she asks him for things he cannot accomplish.
The method of giving a choice that was used by the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in handling that material issue is a clear example of how the concept of deliberation and consultation takes place in marital life.
Likewise, Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ordered them to take the issue into careful consideration, without hastening to make a decision. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “I will mention an issue to you, so you should consider it without hastening [to reach a conclusion].”
This is contrary to what many husbands do when they constantly threaten their wives with divorce. It reaches the point that anytime she makes a mistake, he tells her, ‘I will divorce you, I will divorce you.’ And if she has any shortcomings with respect to her dealing with him, he says to her, ‘I will divorce you; if you leave the house, you are divorced; if you answer the phone you are divorced; if you talk to so-and-so among your female friends, you are divorced.’
Another point of benefit that can be taken from this story is that the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not resort to hitting or insulting his wives, but rather, took a very kind and pleasant approach to dealing with them.
Further, when Abu Bakr and `Umar stood to hit `Aa’ishah and Hafsah respectively, the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, prevented them from doing so, because hitting does not solve problems; rather, most problems can be solved through discussion and subsequent persuasion.
One issue that a wife must take into consideration is that she may be leaving a wealthy household that is luxurious in favour of her husband’s home, and her husband might be poor, or a student, or an employee who is barely making ends meet. In that case, a wife should take the difference [in lifestyles] into consideration, since this is the predestination of Allah, as Allah said (what means): «It is We Who portion out between them their livelihood in this world, and We raised some of them above others in ranks, so that some may employ others in their work.» [Quran: 43:32]
So the fact that the woman was spoiled and her father bought her something new everyday, does not mean that she should exhaust her husband by going overboard [in asking for new things] when she moves into her husband’s house.
Asking for more spending money, and asking for too much [material things] is something very embarrassing for a husband, especially if he is poor. Furthermore, it might push a husband who has weak faith to resort to unlawful means of acquiring money, thereby harming himself and his family by pursuing unlawful earnings, such as those earned through bribery or theft. In this case, the husband would put himself in a position wherein he is likely to be fired from his job, or imprisoned, and the result would be that he loses his religion and his livelihood.
In contrast, a husband should understand that his wife was in a wealthy house, and should strive to bring whatever things he is able to bring her, which falls within the confines of being religiously permissible.
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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