CHAPTER 2: WIVES – LISTENING
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would visit them and listen to what they had to say despite his responsibilities:
One night ‘Aa’ishah told him the long story of Umm Zar’, in which she said that eleven women gathered and pledged to reveal all their marital secrets to each other, and not to hold anything back. Each of them described her husband, and the best husband was that of Umm Zar’ who described her husband’s bounties and favors upon her. ‘Aa’ishah said: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to me: “I am to you like Abu Zar’ is to Umm Zar’.”” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (5189) and Muslim (2448).)
A husband must allocate time to sit with his wife and hear what she has to say and socialize with her. Many wives complain that their husbands stay at work all day and when they come back home, many of them sit and watch TV or remain busy with the internet for hours, while the wife simply sits there waiting for him to pay her some attention. After he is finished, he goes to bed tired, unwilling and unable to talk, and sleeps like a dead man. Some of them might even fall asleep with the remote control in their hand. The result is that the poor wife feels neglected.
Some businessmen sit amidst their paperwork even when they go back home, so it feels as if he has a second shift of work at home after completing his first shift at the office. Again, this happens while the poor wife is waiting desperately for his attention.
Modern means of communication have facilitated for the husband to stay in touch with his wife all the time. He can send her SMS messages or call her to see how she is and this would not take more than a minute, but it would mean a lot to the wife.
His worship never held him back from spending time with his wives and being with them:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would pray (the two Rak’ahs before the Dawn prayer), and if I had gotten up by then, he would talk with me, and if not, then he would lie down until it was time to pray.” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (1161).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would talk and walk with them even during travel:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “When the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, set out on a journey, he would cast lots amongst his wives. Once, this lot came out in my favor and that of Hafsah’s. We (Hafsah, and Aa’ishah) both went along with him; the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to travel (on camel) and when it was night he would walk along with me and would talk with me.” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (5211) and Muslim (2445).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was faithful to his wives and would safeguard their rights:
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, praised Khadeejah during her life and after her death, more than he praised any other wife. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was keen on highlighting her virtues and her status in his heart, and that she maintained this status even after her death.
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “Never did I feel jealous of the wives of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, except in the case of Khadeejah, although I did not (have the privilege to) see her. Whenever the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, slaughtered a sheep, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Send it to the friends of Khadeejah.” One day I said to him: ‘(It is) Khadeejah only who always prevails upon your mind.’ Thereupon he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “She was such and such a woman [praising her], and she was the mother of my children.”” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (3818) and Muslim (2435).)
Ibn Hajar (a scholar) said: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, never ceased praising her and mentioning her even after her death. Rather, he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stayed faithful after her death and continued to praise her and mention her good traits and how wise and virtuous she was. All the children of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, were from her, except Ibraaheem, whose mother was Maariyah. His children from her were two sons and four daughters, Al-Qaasim, Abdullaah (he was born after the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was commissioned, and used to be also called At-Taahir and At-Tayyib) and his daughters were, Zaynab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthoom and Faatimah.” (Fat-h Al-Baari (137/7).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would praise Khadeejah whenever he mentioned her name:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “Whenever the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, mentioned the name of Khadeejah (his first wife), he praised her and did not tire of praising her and supplicating Allah for her forgiveness.” (Reported by At-Tabaraani (319/16).)
These days when one looks at the condition of people, one wonders at the state of affairs. You find a man marrying a new wife after the death of his first wife, and whenever he sits in a gathering, he would praise the second wife and start enumerating the mistakes of the first. Another case one comes across is a man who divorces his wife, and brags about how patient he was with her despite her dispraised traits. Some people never mention any good qualities of the wife regardless of how good she is to him.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would brighten whenever anything reminded him of Khadeejah:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “Once Haalah bint Khuwaylid, Khadeejah’s sister sought permission to enter upon the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. He remembered Khadeejah, because their voices were similar. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, became very happy and said: “O Allah, let it be Haalah (Khadeejah’s sister)!” I felt jealous and said: ‘You keep mentioning this old lady from Quraysh whose teeth fell (due to old age) who died a long time ago, and Allah replaced her for you with someone better (meaning myself).’ His facial expression changed reflecting disturbance, which I usually saw only when a cloud would cover the sky (fearing punishment like previous nations) or when he was receiving revelations. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, then said: “Allah did not replace me with someone better than her; she believed in me when people disbelieved in what I came with; she believed my words when people belied me; she supported me with her wealth when people deprived me, and Allah gave me children from her.”
At this, ‘Aa’ishah said: “I swear by The One Who had sent you with the Truth, I will never mention her except in praise after today.” (Reported by Ahmad (24343) and At-Tabaraani (14/23).)
Ibn Hajar said: “The narration proves that when one loves someone, he loves things that they love and things that are related to that person and those who resemble that person.” (Fat-h Al-Baari (140/7).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was faithful to Khadeejah and would be kind to her friends:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would mention Khadeejah frequently. Whenever he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, slaughtered a sheep, he would cut it into pieces and send them to her friends.” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (3534) and Muslim (2435).)
Another narration reads: “Whenever he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, slaughtered a sheep, he would look for her friends and gift them from it.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi (1940).)
Al-Mubaarakpoori (a scholar) said: “Gifting her friends reflects his faithfulness to her and not forgetting her kindness.” (Tuhfat Al-Ahwathi (134/6).)
An-Nawawi (a scholar) said: “This is evidence that he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was a faithful man and dealt with his wives in kindness during their lives and even after their death, and that he was generous with their friends and relatives.” (The explanation of An-Nawawi on the book of Muslim (202/15).)
Anas narrated: “Whenever the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, received any gift, he would say: “Take it to so and so [female companion] because she was a friend of Khadeejah. Take some to the household of so and so, because she loves Khadeejah.”” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (232) in his book Al-Adab Al-Mufrad.)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, showed great kindness to his wives’ friends:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “An old lady came to the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, while he was in my house, so he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked her: “Who are you?” She replied: “I am Jaththaamah Al-Muzaniyyah.” He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Rather you are Hussaanah. How are you and your people? How are you doing? How is life with you since I saw you last?” She said: ‘We are just fine, O Messenger of Allah. May my father and mother be sacrificed for you!’ After she left I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, why were you so friendly and kind with this old lady?’ He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied: “O ‘Aa’ishah, she used to visit us during the lifetime of Khadeejah and being kind to old friends is a sign of one’s good faith.”” (Reported by Al-Haakim Nasaa’i (17/1).)
Note: Although this woman was an old woman, yet he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, changed her name to a nicer name. Jaththaamah means a lazy person who does not want to exert any effort, while Hussaanah indicates goodness and beauty. It was the practice of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to change the names that had a negative meaning to ones with good meanings.
Being faithful and kind to people is a sign of one’s good faith. The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, received this old lady with kindness and gave her a warm welcome as a way of being faithful to the wife who stood by him and relieved him during times of distress.
Many men nowadays, are ungrateful to their wives who persevered through rough times and helped them build their life and establish themselves by enduring rough times patiently. The behaviour of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, reflects true faithfulness to the wife.
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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