CHAPTER 2 – WIVES – EXPRESS LOVE
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not hesitate to state his love for his wife:
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said about Khadeejah: “Her love had been nurtured in my heart by Allah Himself.” (Reported by Muslim (2435) on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah.)
An-Nawawi (a scholar) said: “This indicates that her love is a virtue of Khadeejah which Allah granted her.” (The explanation of An-Nawawi on the book of Muslim (201/15).)
The love of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, for ‘Aa’ishah was more obvious and well-known. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not love a woman like he loved her, and she was the only one whom he married as a virgin. The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not hide his love for her.
‘Amr ibn Al-’Aas (a Companion) asked the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, “Who amongst the people is dearest to you?” He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “’Aa’ishah.” He (‘Amr) then said: “Who amongst men?” He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Her father.”(Reported by Al-Bukhaari (3662) and Muslim (2384).)
Contrary to the Prophetic guidance, some men stay years without expressing love to the wife, while others may even consider this unbefitting and not manly. Expressing one’s love to the wife is one of the strongest means to improve and strengthen marital relations and maintain a happy marital life.
A wife likes her husband to make her feel loved and to express this verbally and to do so frequently. Unfortunately, some women resort to illicit relations because they find someone whom they could talk to and who would say sweet words that she may have never heard from her husband.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would kiss his wife before leaving the house:
‘Urwah (a Companion) reported on the authority of his maternal aunt ‘A’ishah that she said: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to kiss some of his wives, and then leave for the congregational prayer without performing ablution (again).” I said: ‘It is no one else but you (whom he used to kiss).’ So she laughed.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi (79), Abu Dawood (178), An-Nasa’i (170) and Ibn Maajah (502).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would even kiss his wives while fasting. ‘A’ishah said: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would kiss and embrace (his wives) while he was fasting, for he had the most control of all of you over his desires.” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (1927) and Muslim (1106).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would drink after his wife, placing his lips where ‘A’ishah had placed hers:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “I would drink when I was menstruating, then I would hand it (the vessel) to the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and he would put his mouth where mine had been and drink, and I would eat flesh from a bone when I was menstruating, then hand it over to the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and he would put his mouth where mine had been.”(Reported by Muslim (300).)
‘Ali Al-Qaari (a scholar) said: “He followed every trace of hers to show how much he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, loved her.” (Mirqat Al-Mafaateeh (487/2).)
This practice has a great impact on the wife when one does it. The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, placed his mouth where her mouth was after she ate or drank only to show her his love and compassion towards her.
The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would sleep placing his head on the thigh of ‘A’ishah:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “We went with the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, on one of his journeys and on the way my necklace was broken (and fell somewhere). The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, along with other people stayed there to search for it. There was neither any water at that place nor did people have any water with them. Abu Bakr came admonishing me while the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was sleeping with his head on my thigh. Abu Bakr scolded me and pushed my side with his hand. And there was nothing to prevent me from stirring but for the fact that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was lying upon my thigh.” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari (4607) and Muslim (550).)
‘A’ishah also narrated: “The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would sleep with his head on my thigh while I was menstruating, and then get up and start reciting the Quran.”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (3672) and Muslim (267).)
This narration reflects his kind treatment, consideration and noble manners, and it proves that one should not be repelled from touching, sitting and eating with, or being close to his wife during menstruation.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would sleep with his wife using the same cover:
Umm Salamah (the wife of the Prophet) also narrated: “While I was lying down with the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, under a single woollen sheet, I suddenly got my menses. So I slipped away from under the cover and I took up the clothes (which I wore) in menses. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Have you menstruated?” I said: ‘Yes.” So he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, called me back and I lay down with him again under the cover.”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (298) and Muslim (296).)
An-Nawawi said: “It is possible that she might have feared that some blood may stain him, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and therefore decided to sneak away. It is also possible that she felt disgusted by the blood and thus decided to change her clothes with clean ones.”(The explanation of An-Nawawi on the book of Muslim (207/3).)
The wife of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, Maymoonah narrated: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to lie down with me while I was menstruating and there would be a cloth between me and him.” (Reported by Muslim (295).)
Some men stay away from their wives when they are menstruating and do not sleep in the same bed. This contradicts the practice and guidance of the Prophet of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. It also harms the woman psychologically, because women usually become disturbed during menstruation and her mood changes, so if her husband stays away from her and shuns her, then this would worsen her situation and
depress her even further.
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would bathe with his wives using the same container:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “I used to bathe with the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, from one vessel between me and him. He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would rush to take the water before me and I would try to take it before him, and he, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would say: “Leave it for me [the water].” And I would say, ‘You leave it for me.’”(Reported by Al-Bukhari (250) Muslim (321) and An-Nasaa’i (239) and the wording is his.)
Umm Salamah narrated: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and I took a bath from the same vessel while I had my menses.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari (322) and Muslim (322).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would express his fondness by making a diminutive form of her name:
‘Aa’ishah narrated: “One day a few Abyssinian boys entered the mosque and started playing, so the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “O Humayraa’(This is a nickname extracted from the Arabic word Al-Hamraa’, which is a reddish white colour, referring to her skin colour.), would you like to watch them [while they play]?” I said: ‘Yes.’” (Reported by An-Nasaa’i in his book As-Sunan Al-Kubra (8951).)
Al-Qaadhi ‘Iyaadh (a scholar) said: “Giving her this name is a way of expressing love and mercy to her.”(Mashaariq Al-Anwaar (702/1).)
He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would accompany them to feasts out of kindness:
Anas narrated: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, had a neighbour who was Persian (by descent), and he was an expert at preparing soup. He prepared (soup) for the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and then came to him to invite him (to the feast). He (the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Here is ‘Aa’ishah also, is she also invited [to the food]”? He (the neighbour) said: ‘No’. Thereupon the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also said: “No [then I cannot join the feast]”. He returned to invite him, and the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Here is ‘Aa’ishah also, is she also invited [to the food]”? He said: ‘No’. Thereupon the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “No [and declined his offer]”. He returned to invite him and the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, again said: “She is also there”. He (the host) said: ‘Yes’ for the third time. Then the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, accepted his invitation, and both of them (him and ‘Aa’ishah) set out until they came to his house.” (Reported by Muslim (2037).)
An-Nawawi said: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, hated to be singled out for the invitation without taking ‘Aa’ishah. This reflects his kind treatment and how he guarded the rights of marital life and dealt with his wives with the highest level of manners.” (The explanation of An-Nawawi on the book of Muslim (209/13).)
By Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid
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