ANXIETY DOES NOT HELP
The point of the following anecdote is to illustrate that one should not worry excessively, but should instead surrender his will to the decree of Allah without feeling the slightest degree of regret.
When I was in school I would study diligently to be first among my classmates. After handing in my examination paper, I would fall into a state of worry, fear, and anxiety. I would go home, check the answers from the book, give myself a grade, and then repeat the process all over again. It is obvious now, in retrospect, that not once did my nervousness raise my grades by a single percentage point.
PEACE OF MIND IS IN HAVING THE BASIC NECESSITIES OF LIFE
At a young age I left my family to study in the city of Riyadh. I stayed with some of my uncles in austere and straitened circumstances. To reach my school, I had to walk thirty minutes each morning, and to come back home, thirty minutes in the sweltering heat of noon. At home, I participated in preparing breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My duties consisted of vacuuming the house, cleaning the kitchen, and organizing the rooms. Furthermore, I worked hard in my studies and also gave time to participating in school activities. I always achieved good grades, which spurred me on to work even harder. I had only one gown in my possession, which I had to wash and iron constantly. Because of the paltry sum we received as a stipend, I wore this same garment at home, at school, and on special occasions. Bare necessities, such as money for food and rent, took up most of my money. We were all in a similar condition. so it was rare that we ever ate meat, and even rarer that we ever tasted fruit. All of us worked hard in our studies. Only once a month did I find the opportunity to relax or to go out for fun. We studied approximately seventeen subjects at school, with algebra, math, English and physics being added to our already tough courses in religion and Arabic studies. I often borrowed books on Arabic poetry from the school and would remain engrossed in them for hours at a time.
Now, as I reflect on those days I can remember that, despite all of my difficulties, I was happy and slept with a peaceful and calm mind every night. Later on, with the blessings of Allah, I bought a nice home, I ate well, I wore different kinds of clothes, and life in general took a prosperous turn. But, despite all of this, I do not feel the same peace of mind now as I did then. More complex problems have accompanied a more complex kind of life. So don’t think that having only a little is the cause of your sadness and anxiety, because it is not true. Most people who have life’s bare necessities have a conscience more sound and an existence more peaceful than the majority of rich people.
BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO
In High School I became extremely competitive in achieving top grades. In one particular semester I worked so hard that I did not expect to come any lower than second in the class. What do you think happened? I ended up failing in English, a subject that I dreaded — I simply could not make any sense of it. A black cloud of depression hung over me and for a number of nights that followed, I found it difficult to sleep. Certain of my classmates even took pleasure in my failure. What had occurred had been something totally unexpected. I became gloomy and sad for the next few days. A teacher noticed the state I was in and tried his best to encourage me and give me comfort
Whenever this time of life comes back to me I am astonished at how gravely it affected me. The depression into which I fell did not help in the least, and it had no effect whatsoever in changing my failing grade into a passing one.
What I want to say to you is this: Do not think that if you become depressed or downcast because of failure, you will suddenly achieve success. It won’t happen. The only effect that such gloom can have upon you is to make your failure more complete.
When I had completed my masters thesis I was hoping to get an ‘A’ grade. I thought my work was deserving of an ‘A’ but in the end I only got a ‘B’ I overreacted when this happened and I became extremely agitated over my grade. A sensible friend of mine said to me, “Suppose, that for one reason or another, you had never completed your masters degree. What would you have done? Furthermore, what difference does it really make whether you get an ‘A’ or a ‘B’: you still have a Masters degree.” What he said was obviously true and I returned to my senses. I now realize that the best way of dealing with similar situations is to be prepared in advance for the worst possible results.
I took away a good lesson from this experience. When the time came to submit my doctoral thesis, the faculty delayed the date of submission for a long time. My thesis was already finished and well prepared. Because I was ready for anything, their delaying me did not have a great effect on me.
Whoever is mentally prepared for bankruptcy in his business will not worry over a partial loss.
YOU ARE DOING WELL YOU ARE HEALTHY AND HAVE ENOUGH FOOD
In the year 1400 Hijri, I participated in a campaign to propagate Islam, close to the border of Yemen. I temporarily left the camp we were staying in, intending to go with one of my professors to Abha.
On the way back I was upset because he was driving his car at a very high speed. I pleaded with him to slow down, but it seemed that this only had the effect of goading him on to go faster. It was raining that night, yet he continued to drive recklessly. We ended up in a valley that was filling with water. At first the water reached a level only slightly above our tires. As we reached the middle of the valley, though, the situation got worse as water started to flow into our vehicle. We left the car and with much difficulty we managed to reach the edge of the valley. We were stuck there all night without food, drink, and more importantly, because we were wet, without blankets. We were contented and thankful for our situation though, because when the flood had overwhelmed us we had expected to die. And so we were thankful just to be alive. In the early morning somebody came and took us to safety. I am reminded by this incident of a story that took place in World War II. An American ship was hit by a missile and as a result began to sink. The captain was stranded for thirteen days with only water and bread to nourish him. He was later asked whether there was a moral that he took away with him from his experience. He said, “Something important that I took away with me from this experience is that if a person is healthy and has bread and water, he has the whole world with him.”
What is this world other than a healthy body, peace of mind, bread, water, and a garment to wear? Why don’t you and I use math to calculate what we have and what we don’t have’? I think that most of us will find that we have more than 80% of the things that make life comfortable. Needless to say there are exceptional cases when one is deprived of important necessities, but for the most part, we weep over comforts that are missing without laughing and being thankful for those that we do have. We are sorrowful when afflicted, and ungrateful when all is well.
Extinguish the fire of enmity before it spreads
Throughout my life, I found that whenever I defended myself against defamatory comments, loss and regret were the main results. At first I would think it wise that I should set things straight when some person criticized me, regardless of whether the criticism was verbal or written. In the end, however, I found the opposite to be true.
By defending myself, more enmity resulted, and instead of the restoration of good ties between my critic and myself] he would attempt to malign me even further. Eventually I would wish that I had never confronted him in the first place. It would have been better to forgive, forbear, show patience, turn away, and ignore the defamatory remarks. After all, this is what the Qur’an teaches us:
(Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish [i.e. don’t punish them].) (Quran 7: 199)
(Let them pardon and forgive) (Quran 24:22)
(Those who repress anger; and who pardon men…..) (Qur’an 3: I34)
(And when they are angry they forgive.) (Quran 42: 37)
(And when the foolish address them [with bad words] they reply back with mild words of gentleness.) (Quran 25: 63)
(Repel (the evil) with one which is better [i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger and to excuse those who treat them badly], then verily! He, between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he was a close friend.) (Quran 41: 34)
Therefore, if you hear malicious words from someone, do not answer back: it will only result in multiplying one attack into ten.
DON’T BELITTLE ANOTHER PERSON’S EFFORTS
Life has taught me to put into practice something that has never failed me: to moderately express my approval of others. This policy always has a positive effect on all sorts of people. Soft and gentle words work wonders on the hearts of people; our religion teaches us to be generous and kind in dealings:
(And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you…) (Qur’an 3: 159)
The author of the book How to Win Friends states that an important factor in attracting people to you is to praise and compliment them inordinately. I do not agree: moderation and justice are called for:
(lndeed Allah has set a measure for all things.) (Qur’an 65: 3)
Therefore one should neither flatter others artificially nor be dry and distant with them.
Sure, we could take the path of looking down upon people with supercilious airs; but as a result, it is we who will lose our friends – and not they who will lose us. lf you are not friendly, people will soon find someone else to make acquaintance with.
(And be kind and humble to the believers who follow you.) (Qur’an 26: 215)
Earning the respect of others also contributes to bringing you happiness. Muslims are Allah’s witnesses on earth and they pray for each other’s forgiveness.
(…and speak good to people…) (Qur’an 2: 83)
In life, I have been especially impressed by those who are charismatic in their dealings — those who seem to attract others magnetically by their good character. They always wear a smile for others, they have honest tongues, and their hearts are free from jealousy and rancor.
With the permission of Allah, it is within the reach of every one of us to achieve acceptance among the people of the earth. This acceptance is not bought with treasures or wealth, but it is earned through sincerity towards Allah, truthfulness, the love of Allah and His Messenger (bpuh), a love for spreading good to others, and a lowly opinion of one’s own self
To achieve these and other good qualities, we must make an honest effort, because they require an upward climb. Evil characteristics are easily achieved for whoever wants them, for they demand only a downward descent.
An Arab poet said:
“The evil character soon ceases to feel his wickedness, A bodily injury causes no pain for the dead.”
The person who is self-absorbed is likely to feel inferior and melancholic on the inside. And there are some people who think more highly of themselves than they should. A few examples of such people come to mind, people who made some efforts to contribute to society, later feeling that their work deserved a lifetime’s achievement award.
One student I knew wrote a few small booklets that were targeted at young Muslims. I wanted to encourage him, so I complimented him on his efforts. Then, he began to talk endlessly about the booklets, about how widely they were distributed, and about how much acclaim they had received. I was amazed at this person’s vision of himself, but I also learned from him how people hate to be overlooked or put down.
On another occasion, I heard a taped lecture of a student. I invited him to my home, intending to encourage him to continue his efforts in seeking knowledge of Islam. When I mentioned the tape, he found his opportunity. He began by invoking Allah to benefit the entire Muslim nation through his lecture. He then continued to expound on how he had researched the topic. Before calling him, I had never expected him to be so self-centered. My conversation with him also made me realize that it is in human nature to give more worth to one’s own self than it deserves. Therefore be wary of putting somebody down:
(Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let [some] women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former….) (Qur’an 49: 11)
People will love you if you applaud their efforts and give them attention:
(And turn not away those who invoke their Lord, morning and afternoon….) (Qur’an 6: 52)
(And keep yourself [O’ Muhammad] patiently with those who call on their Lord [i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds, etc.] morning and afternoon…) (Qur’an 18: 28)
([The Prophet] frowned and turned away, because there came to him the blind man [i.e. Albdullah ibn Umm-Maktoom, who came to the Prophet while he was preaching to one or some of the Quraysh chiefs]. But what could tell you that per chance he might become pure [from sins]?) (Qur’an 80: 1-3)
During my high school years, I not only studied poetry, but I also composed it. On one occasion, the students of another school visited us. At the welcome party, I was asked to recite some of my poetry, not because of any skill that I could lay claim to, but because I was the only one in our school who had an inclination to verse.
I read some of my poetry aloud and the Literature teacher praised both my style and use of words, and I actually believed him. I thought that I had written something of genius and only when I was older and had returned to those lines did I realize how sophomoric my work really was.
The only thing we gain by putting others down is an extra enemy. Therefore be just in recognizing the efforts of others, and compliment them for their virtues.
DEAL WITH OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DEAL WITH YOU
A wise person said that the one who seeks out the faults of others is like a fly — it lands only on that which is foul. Some people are afflicted with the word “but.” Every time you mention someone to them, they will say something along the lines of, “He has some good in him, but…” What follows “but” is always criticism, blame, and censure.
(Woe to every slanderer and backbiter) (Qur’an 104: 1)
(A slanderer going about with calumnies) (Qur’an 68: 11)
(Neither backbite one another) (Qur’an 49: 12)
The more just we are with others, the greater will their respect be for us. The opposite holds true also. No intelligent person can think that he will earn the respect and praise of others by belittling them and putting them down.
)Woe to Al-Mutaffifeen [those who give less in measure and weight (decrease the rights of others)].) (Qur’an 83: 1)
Source: Islam Basics By Aaidh ibn Abdullah Al-Qarnee
Comments
John Doe
23/3/2019Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
John Doe
23/3/2019Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
John Doe
23/3/2019Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.