9. ADVICE FOR THE YOUTH
Youth should be careful of indulging in too much sexual intercourse after reaching this age of puberty (upon marriage).
This is important so he can maintain his essence [i.e. semen] to benefit him in his old age. It is like how a person should prepare for winter before the season arrives, and whoever spends all of what he has when he is capable, will endure poverty when he is in need.
He who is intellectual and religious should understand that pleasure is attained by being close with their lover and such closeness and nearness happens with cuddling and kissing, as such intimacy strengthens the love (mahabba) between the couple and such love is pleasurable when it exists, while copulation weakens such emotions and halts such pleasure (ladha).
Arabs fell in love and believed that the beloved should not be copulated. Some of them said, ‘Engaging in sexual intercourse with the lover shall ruin the love in between.’ It is because receiving pleasure from copulation, by itself, is an animalistic thing.
I contemplated the purpose of copulation and realised an amazing meaning that many seem to fail to notice, that is: when someone falls in love with a person, he would like to be close to her; hence a lover prefers hugging and cuddling because it is the ultimate physical closure.
Yet then a person pursues further nearness and so he kisses the cheek, and after a while he pursues further closure to the soul (ruh) of his lover and so he kisses the lips as it is the gateway of the soul.
Then, he feels the urge to be closer and so he sucks the tongue of his lover and the Messenger of Allah used to hug and kiss ‘A’ishah (radiy Allahu ‘anhu) and suck her tongue too.
And, should the soul pursue further closure, copulation becomes the last means. This is the subtle intangible meaning of copulation and through which physical pleasure is attained.
(Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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