7. FOLLOWING CONCESSIONS CREATE HARD-HEARTEDNESS AND DARKNESS
I conceded a matter that was permitted in some madhahib (singular, madhhab), I felt thereby extreme hard-heartedness (qaswa ‘azamia). I felt some kind of expulsion and banishment (bu’d), while the darkness (zulma) intensified.
My ‘self spoke out, ’What is this (feeling of guilt)? Is it not the case you have not turned away from the consensus of the scholars (ijma al-fuqaha) in this matter?’ I replied, “O bad self (nafs al-su). Your answer is in two ways:
First, you tried to construe what you do not believe in. If you were asked a fatwa about it, you would not give the fatwa according to what you did.’
The ‘self-answered, ‘If 1 really did not believe in its permissibility, I would not have done it!’ I contended, ‘But your real belief (i’tiqad) is what you choose for others in fatwa.’
Second, you ought to be pleased (farh) then with the darkness (zulma) that you receive in the Hereafter. That is because, if you did not have a light (nur) in your heart, you would never feel the darkness.
It confirmed, ‘I really felt being in the wilderness because of this renewed darkness in my heart.’
So I suggested to it, ‘Then make sure to give up, and consider what you are giving up for its inaction is permissible by consensus. Regard what you have given up as a matter of increasing in piety.’ Then it accepted the request.
(Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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