31.5 THE BOOK OF FUNERALS
It is Sunnah to visit the graves except for women.
“Section”: This section is related to the laws pertaining to the dead in relation to visiting their graves. They have rights that should be fulfilled by their Muslim brethren. Since they are confined to the grave, the rest of the Muslims should supplicate for them and send salam upon them.
“It is Sunnah to visit the graves”: The Prophet(pbuh) said, “Visit the graves for it reminds you of the Hereafter.” (Reported by Muslim (3/65), Ahmad (5/356, 359), Abu Dawud (3235) and al-Tirmidhi with his own wording (1054) from the narration of Buraydah ibn al-Hasib.)
Visits to the graves can be classified into two types: (i) visits that are legislated in Islam, (ii) and visits that are innovations in Islam.
The visit that is legislated in Islam is carried out to for the purpose of sending salam to the people of the graves and supplicating for them. It also serves as a self-reminder. However, the visit that is an innovation in Islam is carried out expressly for a vested interest namely to be blessed by, to seek help from and in devotion to the graves. These types of visits are strictly forbidden in Islam.
“Except for women”: It is not a Sunnah for women to visit the grave as the Prophet(pbuh) said, “The women who visit the graves are cursed as are those who build masjids and lamps on top of graves.” This hadith was reported by Imam Ahmad with a chain of trusted narrators (Reported by Ahmad (1/229), Abu Dawud (3236), al-Tirmidhi (320), al-Nasa’i (4/94-95) and Ibn Majah (1575) from the narration of Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas.) as pointed out by the author.
If an act invokes curse, then it is surely forbidden. It alludes to the fact that it is indeed a major sin. Women visiting the graves is a major sin. They should not do so as women are naturally weak. If she were to see her son’s grave or her relative’s grave, she will be adversely affected. Perhaps it might make her wail in despair. Furthermore, the woman is awrah. What if she goes there and thugs loitering there seize the opportunity to attack her? Women should not visit the graves for the Prophet(pbuh) forbade them to do so. A believing woman will refrain from doing something that the Prophet(pbuh) has forbidden.
Some lay people or those who claim to have knowledge say that it is permissible for women to visit the graves. We reply to them with the words of the Prophet(pbuh), “The women who visit the graves are cursed.” Some others say that there are disputes among the scholars on this issue. We reply to them by pointing out that a scholar’s opinion should not be given precedence over the Prophet’s words. We shall not subject ourselves to the disputes. We shall adhere to the words of the Messenger(pbuh), “The women who visit the graves are cursed.” The hadith is authentic with a chain of trusted narrators.
If they claim that Aishah had visited the grave of her brother Abdul Rahman, (Reported by al-Tirmidhi (1055), ‘Abdul Razzaq (6711) and al-Hakim (1/176).) We reply to them that this was an action by a companion of the Prophet in contradiction to his(pbuh) words. We can conclude that Aishah did not know of the hadith that forbade women from visiting graves. She did it on her own accord. Perhaps she knew of the hadith but thought she was exempt from the prohibition. This was her own formulated judgement (ijtihad) to visit the grave. However, the evidence is based on the sayings of the Prophet, not the ijtihad. of a companion or others.
If they quote Umm Atiyah who said, “We were prohibited from visiting graves but this prohibition was not binding upon us.” (Reported by al-Bukhari (2/99), Muslim (3/47).) We reply that we suffice with her statement, “We were prohibited from visiting graves.” Perhaps her saying, “This prohibition was not binding upon us” was an ijtihad on her part. Just as ‘Aishah’s ijtihad cannot be given precedence over the sayings of the Prophet(pbuh), Umm Atiyah’s ijtihad cannot be used as evidence for the permissibility of women visiting graves.
If they argue that the Prophet’s exhortation to visit graves is general and so includes women as well, we reply that the word “zuru” (visit [plural, masculine form]) in the hadith is specific for the male gender. Furthermore, in the hadith which forbids women, the word “za’irat” (feminine form of visitor) is specific for the female gender.
They might quote the incident when the Prophet(pbuh) passed by a woman who sat crying by the grave. He addressed her saying, “O slave of Allah! Be patient…” (Reported by al-Bukhari (2/93, 99) and Muslim (3/40,41) from the narration of Anas ibn Malik.) but he did not forbid her from visiting the grave. He(pbuh) only told her not to despair. We reply by saying that this incident preceded the hadith that forbids women from visiting graves in terms of chronological order. Later on, the permissibility was abrogated.
The hadith, “The women who visit the graves are cursed,” is the determining factor of this whole dispute. That is, for those who are seeking the truth. Those seeking perversion will not be satisfied with this hadith. Every time you confront them with it, they circumvent it. The solution to the dispute is the hadith of the Prophet(pbuh) Allah says: {And if you disagree over anything, refer it to Allah and the Messenger, if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is the best [way] and best result.} (Al-Nisa: 59)
The prohibition for women to visit graves encompasses all. Be it the grave of the Prophet(pbuh) the graves of the Companions or that of others, they are forbidden to visit them for the hadith does not exempt any particular grave. Hence it is a total prohibition.
When visiting or passing by the grave, say, “Al-salamu ‘alaykum dara qawmin muminin, wa inna insha’allahu bikum lalahiqun, yarhamu Allahu al-mustaqdimina minkum wa al-musta’khirin, nas’alu allaha lana wa lakum al-’afiyah. Allahumma la tahrimna ajrahum wa la taftinna badahum wa-ghfir lana wa lahum.” (Peace be upon you, inhabitants of the dwellings who are of the community of the believers. If Allah wills, we shall join you. May Allah show mercy on those who departed from the early and those of the last generation. We ask strength from Allah for us and for you. O Allah, do not deprive us of their reward and do not put us to trial (after them), forgive us and them.)
This supplication has been reported authentically from the Messenger(pbuh). (Reported by Muslim (3/63,64) and Ahmad (6/221).) Why did the Prophet(pbuh) say, “If Allah wills” when death is inevitable as is the joining with the deceased?
The answer to this question is that perhaps it was included to seek the blessings of Allah as in the ayah: {You shall most certainly enter the Sacred Masjid, if Allah wills, in security.} (Al-Fath: 27)
It is also said that the words were included in the hope that one will die whilst being a Muslim as no one knows what is destined for him.
It is Sunnah to send condolences to the bereaving family. It is permissible to cry for the deceased but mourning, wailing, tearing of clothes, slapping of cheeks and the like is forbidden.
“It is Sunnah to send condolences to the bereaving family”: This point has been explained.
“It is permissible to cry for the deceased but mourning, wailing, tearing of clothes, slapping of cheeks and the like is forbidden”: Sorrow cannot be contained by man. The Prophet(pbuh) also wept. (Reported by al-Bukhari (2/105) and Muslim (7/86) from the narration of Anas ibn Malik, who recounted the Prophet’s sadness when his son, Ibrahim, was in the throes of death. When asked why he was crying the Prophet(pbuh) said, “O Ibn Awf, this is mercy,” And added, “Verily the eyes tear and the heart is broken but we only say what pleases our Creator. We are saddened by your departure O Ibrahim.) However, what should be contained is loud wailing for the deceased. One may recall the deceased’s goodness when he wails and laments at his passing. This reflects a lack of patience and is a deed that was prevalent during the days of ignorance [jahiliyah).
Mourning may be in a verbal form like when one raises his voice in lament or it could be in a physical form like when one slaps his own cheeks, tears clothes that he is wearing and uttering mournful words of jahiliyyah. These acts are all major sins in Islam.
There is a severe warning for those who wail for the deceased. The Prophet(pbuh) said, “The deceased is tortured in the grave when he is wailed for his death.” (Reported by al-Bukhari (2/103) and Muslim (3/41) from the narration of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab.) It is the deceased who suffers as a result of the wailing. Hence, wailing and excessive mourning should be avoided at all costs.
By Shaykh Salih ibn Fawzan al-Fawzan
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