27. SELECTING FRIENDS AND COMPANIONS CAREFULLY
A person must investigate the background of those he intends to befriend, accompany, marry or give in marriage. He must then study people’s appearances, because a good appearance is an indication of a good heart.
People will always revert back to their origins. Someone who has a bad upbringing and foundation will rarely have a good quality. A beautiful woman who comes from a bad home will not be decent. The same applies to a friend and a companion.
Therefore always befriend a person who has a good foundation whom will always be worried about being humiliated. Accompanying such a person will always be safe, with rare exceptions.
‘Umar Ibn ‘Abdul Aziz asked the advice of a companion; so the companion said: ‘As for religious people, they are not looking forward for a leadership position. And you do not want those who run after worldly gain; so stick to honourable people, because they will always be keen on avoiding anything that will pollute their honour.’
Once AJ-Mu(tasim asked a companion of his: ‘Why was my brother Al-Ma’mun successful in selecting his aids and I was not?’
He responded, ‘Because your brother investigated the foundations of his aids, while you did not.’
So Al-Mu‘tasim said, ‘Your response is more painful to me than all of mv previous agony from my selections.’
As for seeking good appearances, when a person’s appearance is good then his inside will most likely be good, and vice-versa.
In addition to investigating a person’s foundation and appearance, he must be tried before being accompanied.
It is important to always be cautious.
(Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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