23. THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CAUTIOUS WHEN DEALING WITH FRIENDS
Trusting people [unconditionally] and befriending anyone is one of the biggest errors because the worst of enemies are those who used to be friends at one point for they have been exposed to your secrets. A poet said:
Beware of your enemy once, but beware of your friend a thousand times. Perhaps a friend might flip, so he would know how to harm you more.
Know that envying {hasd) others for bounties (ni’ma) they have, and aspiring to reach higher status [hubb al-rifa ) is instilled in human nature! If a person believes that he is your peer, he may then find out that you have excelled over him and so will be affected and perhaps envy you. This is what happened to Yusuf s {‘alayhias-salam) brothers.
If you were to ask: ‘How would a person be without friends?’ My response would be, ‘You know that peers are envious and the vast majority of laypeople believe that scholars do not smile or fulfil any of the worldly desires (.shabwdt); hence if they saw him enjoying some of the lawful, they no longer show respect to him! If this is the case of laypeople and the case of peers, whom do you think will be suitable to deal with?’
By Allah, even beware with taking your own ‘self inafs) as a friend because it changes! That being the case, the best way is to beware of people and deal with them guardedly, and only have acquaintances without hoping that they will become true friends (sadiq sadiq).
If you ever decide however, to take a true friend then let him not be at the same level as you because jealousy of peers is more probable. Let him be above the level of laypersons and not someone hoping to attain your status.
In such case, if you befriend intelligent persons then your secrets will be exposed to them, and if you befriend dumb persons then the purpose of having friends will not be fulfilled. Therefore, allow your dumb friends to enter your house and help you in matters related to your family because they will never know your secrets.
And keep your intelligent friends for purposes irrelevant to your personal affairs and secrets.
And be content with the kind of friends I described for you! And do not meet your friends without wearing the shield of cautiousness (<dhir’ al-hadhr), and do not reveal to them a secret that you can hide from them—be like how the wolf is described in the following line of poetry:
He sleeps with one eye shut while using the second eye to avoid enemies.
So he is awake and asleep at the same time.
(Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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