18. DESIRES NEVER END
I used to hear ‘All Ibn Al-Husayn the preacher say while he was on top of the pulpit, “By Allah! Yesterday I cried because of what myself has done.”
I used to think to myself: ‘What has this man done causing him to cry?’
This man was wealthy. He had Turkish maids and he had married several women secretly. He only eats the best chicken and sweets. He has a lot of money and a high status. He gained a good amount of knowledge (ilm). He gave a lot to others and was very generous. So what was causing him to cry?
Upon contemplation, I realised that a person’s desire (ladha) never stops at a limit. Once a person fulfils a desire, he begins seeking the next one. Life ends, the body weakens and deficiency occurs without all desires being fulfilled.
No one is more foolish than him who seeks to increase his worldly desires (ladhat). In fact, there is no joy in this life.
Joy {said) is nothing more than being relieved from something painful. When a person finds a woman whom he loves and then came to know of her religiosity and good manners, this would ensure he keeps her to himself.
The biggest reason for him to continue loving her is that he does not look at another woman. If he does, then he will become unhappy and will interact less with her. He will become fond of the women he saw, and not with the women he initially loved. A poet said:
If a person keeps looking at the eyes of pretty women,
then he will be in danger.
He will please his eyes with that which hurts his heart,
no welcome to a joy that results in harm.
Then this man will stare at a third woman, so the second woman will become like the first, and so on. Instead, looking away from desirable and wonderful things will make life better. A beautiful woman may be wasteful or not loving to their husbands.
The most foolish of people is an old man seeking a young woman! He will not be able to fulfil her sexual need except through harming himself. He must not be deceived with his strong lust for women. I know an old man who bought a young concubine and died the day after he had relations with her.
And a young man stayed two months without having relations with his wife. Then when he finally did he died. Once a body loses its blood and semen it will die.
It is not adequate for a man who passed sixty years of age to have many women. Arabs used to believe that sexual relations ruin love.
A poet said:
Love is a kiss, a gesture with a hand and an arm,
This is what love is; once there are sexual relations then love is ruined.
Bishr was asked: ‘Why Did not you marry?’
He replied: ‘Why would I deceive a Muslim woman.’
Allah said:
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable.” [al-Baqarah (2):228]
He who dwells into something without looking into its consequences is foolish. So in brief, it is important to control one’s sight (hifc al-basr). And for people to be content with what they have especially those who have become older.
Some of what I have said ought to be enough to repel a wise person from committing such faults.
We ask Allah to assist us, and that He makes us act upon religion and sound intellect.
He is indeed close and answers prayers.
(Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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