17. THE IMPORTANCE OF WAITING FOR AN ANGRY PERSON TO CALM DOWN
When your friend and acquaintances say deplorable things after getting angry (ghadab), you should not take what they say seriously, or to entirely blame them for it. They are similar to a drunkard who remains unaware of what they are saying.
Instead, wait for them to cool down to remember, the devil has overtaken him and that his nature has concealed their intellect (‘aql).
If you become angry with anyone over what they say, or talk back to him while he is angry, then you would be just like an intelligent person facing a foolish person— or like an awakened person blaming someone who is unconscious. You would be the liable sinner.
Look at him with mercy (rahma) and notice how destiny is manipulating him and how his nature is playing with him. Know that when he calms down, he will feel guilty- for what happened and realise your virtue of patience {fadl al-sabr) with him.
So it is best to leave an angry person to do whatever (temporarily) comforts him.
This is what a son should do with his angry father, and a wife with her angry husband. She should let him say what he wants and not take it seriously because he will return feeling guilty’ (nadim) and apologetic.
On the other hand, if she confronts him for what he says, then animosity (‘addwa) will become firmer and he will act after calming down based on how he was dealt with while angry.
Unfortunately, most people do not act this way.
If they see an angry person they confront him for his words and actions. This goes against the wisdom (Hikmah) led behaviour that I have mentioned,
“And only the knowledgeable ones will comprehend it.” [al-‘Ankabut (29):43]
(Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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