16. DEVOTING ONESELF TO ALLAH
In the early years of my life I was inspired and guided to follow the way of those who practices asceticism (zuhd) by consistently fasting (saum) and praying (salah). I was fond of secluding (khalwa) myself from everyone to worship my Lord. During my solitude I enjoyed having a good kind heart (qalb) and my insight was strengthened. 1 grieved over every moment I did not spend in worship and obedience (taai), this encouraged me to take advantage of every moment to perform good deeds and acts of worship; while enjoying the intimacy (tins) with my Lord and the sweetness (halawa) I have tasted while invoking him in privacy.
Then persons in position of authority liked my preaching and so they drew me close to them, this changed my nature and so I lost the taste of such sweetness.
Another such person of authority wanted to draw me close to him but I abstained from consorting with him and refused to eat from his food because of the doubtfulness of what he offered. Thereafter, I became inclined towards interpreting the situations I experience and the things that happen to me in a convenient manner, to gain some ease I began to indulge in enjoying what is lawful.
This made me lose my tranquility (sakina) and insightfulness (istinara).
Therefore, consorting people brought forth darkness (zulma) into my heart until the light (nur) 1 found in my heart had completely vanished.
Since then, I could not conceal the yearning I had to return to what I had lost during the sermons I delivered, which were effectual enough to change the people who attended my sittings. This made people repent and rectify their affairs; all the while pitying for losing what I had myself.
The whining of my distressed troubled my heart increased and I failed to treat myself or recover from such condition. Hence I sought my comfort in visiting the graves of the pious and asked from Allah the grace of rectifying my affairs upon which the Kindness of my Lord pulled me toward the sphere of solitude (khalwa), despite the resistance of my [desirous] self.
Only then was my heart restored after being detached from me, and so I was shown the defects erf what I had previously favoured [in this life]. I woke up from the sickness of my inadvertency. And I uttered the following words while I was invoking Allah during the time of my solitude; ‘O my Master, how can I thank you enough?’ And what laudatory words can my tongue utter to praise (madh) you enough? For 1 truly and deeply thank (shukr) you for absolving my heedlessness (ghafla)\ Awakening me from my sleep, and rectifying my affairs though my [desirous] ‘self’ disliked it. Indeed, what has been taken away from me brought me nothing but gain since it was the reason because of which I turned to you! Indeed, what I have saved is tremendous since the outcome was that my heart was apt to be in solitude with You. Indeed, how affluent I am when You made me in need of You! Indeed, how affable 1 am when You disheartened me from being with others.
O Lord, I regret every moment 1 have not spent in Your service! I have remorse for the time I spent in matters other than your obedience. For example, I used to wake up for fajr without being distressed for sleeping all night long [not having awoken to pray at night] and I used to witness the commencement of night without having any concern for knowing the day had passed [not regretting the moments I did not spend in your worship] as I did not realise the reason for not having any such feelings was because of the severity of the illness of my heart. Now however, after the arrival of the winds of healthy change, I have managed to sense the pain through which I was directed to my healthiness.
O You whose grace is tremendous, I beseech You to maintain and perfect mv safety and healthiness.
What an intoxication whose roistering is unnoticed until after becoming conscious! 1 have torn apart what is difficult to amend, hence regretting the merchandise [i.e. good deeds] I have lost; mv example is like a sailor who struggled with the northern troubled waves for some time, then he was overpowered by sleepiness and so when he awoke found himself back at his first starting location.
O you who read mv warning against indulging in the lawful! Though 1 betrayed myself in my actions, I sincerely advice my brethren in words and sav, beware of opting for a concession in a matter whose danger and harm cannot be guaranteed to be saved from. This is because the Shaytan beautifies the permissible at the first stage then, afterwards, he drags people to sins, therefore take heed of the consequences of your actions, understand well your condition and circumstances.
Though the Shaytan may convince you of proceeding with a matter by deceiving you by showing you the good purpose of it, you should know that the road he is leading you down will make you fall into sin. Therefore, it is enough to learn from your father; Adam, who was deceived by the Shaytan when he suggested to him,
‘“O Adam, shall I direct you to the tree of eternity and possession that will not deteriorate?’” [Taha (20): 120]
Adam then noticed nothing but the promised achievement, which was immortality, but he took the wrong way. This is indeed one of the most deceitful traps of Shaytan’ through which he tricks scholars. He entices them to hope for good consequences, while they end up hastening the harm of risky matters. For instance, the Shaytan may whisper to a scholar, ‘you should visit that oppressor so that you may intercede for the oppressed.’
The scholar thus rushes to observe and investigate the wrongdoings of the oppressor— and through such exposure, his religious commitment is shaken. Worse still, he may fall into an act of disbelief (kufr) by which he becomes more of an oppressor than that oppressor himself. Therefore, whoever does not trust his religious commitments (and not confident of his piety and firmness) should beware of the trappings; because they are concealed and unnoticed.
The safest yard for the concerned for his religion is solitude, particularly in times when goodness is dead or diminished and wrongdoing is alive; and people of knowledge have no influence over those in authority. In the case of the latter, if a scholar interacts with them, he will expose himself to the unlawful and also be incapable of pulling them out of their sins.
Needless to mention, when a person contemplates the condition of scholars who assume positions under their authority, will notice how they are completely detached from the benefit of knowledge, thus becoming just like police officers. Therefore, solitude and avoiding all invalid and corrupted interpretations and assumptions about socialising is the only way to save oneself. That being the case, should I benefit myself alone is indeed way much better than benefiting others while harming myself.
Beware! beware of the deceptive interpretations and corrupted issued verdicts (fatawa), endure what solitude necessitates because when you are alone in the company of your Lord, He will open for you the gate of His knowledge, hence all difficulties will be eased, all bitterness will be enjoyable, all hardship will be relieved and all goals will be achieved.
Indeed, Allah directs people to success by His grace as there is no power or will except with Allah alone.
Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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