1. MARRIED LIFE IS BASED ON LOVE
The wise should choose a woman of good conduct and from a good household. She should be somewhat poor to enable him to bring her as much as to satisfy her needs. Her age should be in close proximity to his.
As for the older man, he will harm her if she is young of age. She may commit adultery or conspire against his life. He may be forced to divorce her, which will hurt him if his love is strong for her.
One should complement his own shortcomings with good manners and decent spending. The woman should not be close to her husband too much, or he will get bored and should not be far apart long enough for him to forget her.
When near to him, she should be fully groomed and adorned. She should avoid that he sees her private parts or her whole body, because the human body is not desirable (to most). Similarly, he should not show her his body for intercourse is in the bed.
Khosrow once saw how the animal is skinned and cooked, so his stomach turned, and he abstained from meat because of that. He told his minister about this, and he said, “Your majesty, the food is at the table, and the woman is in bed.’ Meaning, ‘Do not search beyond that.’
‘A’ishah (radiy Allahu ‘anha) said, ‘I never saw the Messenger’s private parts, nor did he see mine. He got up naked one night, and I had never seen his body before.’
This is from the wise things to do as it disables man from finding fault with woman. Each of them should maintain separate beds and come together in a state of perfection. Some people take these things lightly and consequently, find their women to be dull, and he becomes dull himself. Each of them discovers from the other what is not desired, so the heart is repelled and marital life becomes devoid of love (mahabbah).
This virtue must be considered and applied as it is a great one.
(Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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John Doe
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