1. DO NOT INSTIGATE A QUARREL
It is a form of idiocy to instigate quarrels or disputes with an enemy (‘adu) of yours or a person whom you know envies you.
Rather, you should demonstrate to such a person a manner that safeguards you from his harm and evil; if he apologises, you should accept his apology, and if he starts a dispute, you should forgive and assure him that it is a simple matter.
All the while, you should be a man of caution (badhr) without showing him what may indicate so. Hence you should never trust him and if you ever desire to cause him any harm then rectify your affairs, endeavour to fix your shortcomings that he is aware of, because that could be the means whereby he shall cause you great damage and harm.
The greatest of all punishments that you can impose on him is to forgive him sincerely for the sake of Allah. Hence, when his words against you are offensive and profane, let your forgiveness be extravagant because the common shall curse him on your behalf for the ill-manners he demonstrates while scholars shall commend you for such forbearance (hilm).
The harm you shall let him suffer through such means shall bring forth resentment outwardly (zahir), and double of that inwardly (batin), which altogether will be better than hurting him with a word of abuse that in return you will hear multiples of such abuse from his side.
Manifesting hostility and feelings of dislike shall make him realise that you are an enemy of his, and so he shall become more cautious with you and only speak well in your presence [hiding what he really feels toward you].
Forgiving him shall conceal what you have in your heart and so you can take your revenge [in the aforementioned prescribed manner] because harming him by a word or an action that may compromise your religion will make him the one who wins.
Indeed, he who wins through a sin (ithm) is never a winner! It is gracious forgiveness that brings forth winning.
Having this good mindset and demonstrated by good manners will be from a person who understands that experiencing such types of people is either due to a sin he committed or to elevate his rank by letting him endure such a trial since he, in such cases, overlooks his enemy as he only sees the Power [of Allah manifesting in such trials].
(Source: al-Hafiz Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-jawzl [d. 597AH] “CAPTURED THOUGHTS being” a translation of his masterpiece ‘Sayd al-K hatir)
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John Doe
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